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Original poster

Want cheating husband to go

36 replies

wineoclock5 · 30/05/2014 00:11

Hello everybody, this is my fist time on mumsnet so bare with me if I don't know all the abbreviations and lingo.I am desperate and need sound advice.My DH of 25 years has been a serial cheater for the last 10 yrs, but has never admitted it or fessed up even though i have had concrete evidence a few times. He is good in a confrontation and always manages to switch the blame to me blah blah, "I have it all wrong, he loves me, she is just a friend from work etc etc. You may well ask why I have hung around, basically because of my 2 kids.One is now away at uni and one doing GCSE so they don't reply on me as much. On Sunday his car was parked outside the OW house and I caught him. I went mental and asked him to go and he said no. i have moved into my DD room and won't speak. He is away on business now for a few days and has asked me to please talk to him when he gets back. I just know what is going to happen though, he will say i have it all wrong, she's just a friend , i am over reacting, minimising yet again, he will twist it all round and then act all normal and all loved up.I am so much happier when he is away on business (supposedly) which is a lot and want him to go. He is not going to budge and will lie till he is blue in the face that the is completely innocent.My kids, parents, family, friends all think he is great ,I have only told one friend as I am humiliated to tell anyone and burst the family bubble.The kids will be devastated.All advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
LBZT · 30/05/2014 14:50

Lots of great advice here I just want to add that you need to be honest with your children, they will understand and I wouldn't be surprised if they already have an idea that there Dad doesn't respect you or your family already.

Original poster
wineoclock5 · 31/05/2014 10:22

Morning, DH is on his way home form down south. I have sent him a long email asking him to go once kids finish exams and listing all my reasons for this. He can digest this and it means I get to say what I think before he tries to talk to me and manipulate the whole situation.Wish me luck.

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Tellanovella · 31/05/2014 11:45

You sound like a lovely lady. He doesn't deserve you. This is pure abuse. He's trying to make you question yourself even when you have concrete evidence. Gaslighting, abusive man.
Get a private investigator to prove cheating in the marriage and you will get a great divorce settlement or get your own irrefutable proof.
Also these types of men usually follow a pattern. I bet while your protecting his image, he is painting you as some crazy psycho or God only knows what. He needs to justify his disgusting behaviour to himself and others and carry on with no conscience. That's why it is so important that you open up to everyone about what you've had to put up with. If he's not doing that now, he will do when he knows you've had enough.
I also agree with not engaging with him at all. You have nothing to say, as you are dealing with a lying turd who basically treating you like you're a fool. How dare he. Treat him with the contempt he deserves.
Good luck with it all and do it one step at a time.

LBZT · 31/05/2014 11:55

Can I suggest that you don't engage with him as much as possible. You have said your piece in the e-mail and you should take the view that you have nothing to add at this point. The more you allow him to speak the more chance he will twist things, so step back be civil but do not go beyond polite conversation. Keep busy maybe go for a long walk to get a break.

AnyFucker · 31/05/2014 11:59

Good luck x Keep us posted. FWIW, I think you are doing the right thing.

Cahu5 · 31/05/2014 23:53

Been in your position. But with younger children who thought the sun shone out of his backside. Divorced him and six wonderful years later, kids see him for what he is. You are definitely doing the right thing. X

Original poster
wineoclock5 · 01/06/2014 15:51

Had a bit of a set back last night and my ahead is all over the place today. DH wanted to discuss and respond to me email but not once along the way did he allude to my rants about him cheating.He just kept focusing on how we can move forward and make thing s work.He thinks our relationship is strained because we don't have fun anymore WTF is that all about. When I shouted and said you can't even come clean in an effort to move forward, he got all sanctimonious and still evaded an answer. I give up!!!!!
I am angry because I had promised myself I would not get into a debate. Now I feel demoralised again.

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Fontella · 01/06/2014 16:07

What he's doing is so bloody predictable, it's not even funny. Blatant manipulation, avoiding the central issue (that he's a lying cheating scumbag) and going off at all sorts of tangents - moving forward, we don't have fun any more and all that bullshite, and then getting all sanctimonious when you don't follow.

Don't be angry with yourself. Just learn from this and resolve to stop allowing him to do this to you any more. Stop letting him start, direct and control these 'talks'. Just tell him you don't believe a word that comes out of his lying mouth and you're done with talking.

Original poster
wineoclock5 · 01/06/2014 17:23

thanks Fontella, I need you hear tonight my corner :)

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Original poster
wineoclock5 · 01/06/2014 17:25

here

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Original poster
wineoclock5 · 01/06/2014 17:26

Fontella that should have said, I need you here to fight my corner, (stupid pred text) on computer

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