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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

As if things weren't bad enough

8 replies

onionlove · 29/05/2014 23:47

stbex has received a letter from his Dd (my step) who is 14 basically saying she doesn't want to see him anymore, we are separating i cant wait until he moves out and to.honest i wont miss my stepd who ive never really been close to due to her mother and grandmother not liking me. I found the letter and read it, some things are shocking like he hasn't been to parents evening, probably was one of his cover stories to me when he was meeting his prostitute, never answers her text and calls, some i have tried to encourage him in the past eg decorate her room with her, take her on holiday etc. The thing that gets me is she says i have isolated him from friends and family which is something he has done himself, he and his mother argue, she nearly ruined our holiday last year, we never get invited to anyone's house as my dh doesn't have any real friends just drinking friends, am so livid i feel like contacting her mum or grandma as i feel I'm a scapegoat when i am also a victim of his inability to have proper adult relationships, don't want this.ongoing shite to be part of my dcs world but cant do anything about it, i know its not her fault but i am so mad with her and i know he will lie and blame it all on me, when i had no idea half of things she mentioned were going on!

OP posts:
justmuddlingalong · 29/05/2014 23:56

Why would you have a go at the mum and gran? Just cut your losses and move on with your life.

Tinks42 · 29/05/2014 23:58

If you didn't care about your stepdaughter or her family Im not sure why you would worry really? why are you mad with a 14 year old? Your issue is with him and hers is too.

onionlove · 30/05/2014 00:04

I suppose I'm just pissed off she would say that when i don't get the opportunity to put my side of things as he's moving out and he is a liar and will probably blame me, i know i don't have to have anything to do with them but my dcs do, i wouldn't have a go at anyone but he's made me suffer over the last few months and lied for over a year and now in the bad guy to them too, i feel sorry for his dd i really do

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 30/05/2014 00:08

well then keep that thought of feeling for a 14 year old girl that has probably had to go through all this before when his mum split with her, she's bound to be hostile. You need to focus on what this man has done and he's done exactly the same to you as he's done to them. Of course you're the bad guy, it's what he wants and how he gets out of things.

Tinks42 · 30/05/2014 00:08

him, not her...

justmuddlingalong · 30/05/2014 00:14

Is he the Dad of your kids?

onionlove · 30/05/2014 06:40

Just yes he is my kids dad too, thanks.tinks i know you're right

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/05/2014 06:52

You can't expect a 14yo girl not to take Dad's side. It's sad because there will come a point in her life when she realises that it's not his various wives and partners that are making him behave like an arse, he's just an arse. She'll be let down yet again and she will resent having stuck up for him. But that's in the future, it's not something you can influence and, even if you sat her down today and told her the full unvarnished truth (which I don't recommend) she simply wouldn't believe you.

You cannot control what other people think of you. You can only do the right thing & be true to yourself.

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