My DP left the country 3 weeks ago for a business trip. We had reconciled after his recent EA.
The AP lives in another country.
Unfortunately, I found him out straight away and finally forced a confession 5 days in that he'd been seeing her - enough of a deal breaker for me - but he also confessed that it had now turned physical. She could have turned things physical on his last trip but didn't. She's kept him at arms length throughout because she had a boyfriend, another work colleague of theirs. He dumped her the week before this trip and so now ex 'DP' is worth a shot. Because I can only guess he follows her around with his tongue hanging out.
So I put his stuff in storage straight away and told him to contact his DS whenever he likes.
Last time, he really tried to keep communication with DS open. He was the first person he wanted to see on his return.
When he came back from mediation saying he was making a mistake and wanted to stay, I took the risk. He booked and paid for two holidays, looked into a wedding as a surprise, talked about Christmas, looked into the new mortgage. You name it, he did it and all involving our DS. He looked me in the eye and told me he wasn't going to see her and she didn't even know he would be in the country. The hotel receptionist let slip he'd just gone out with his colleague hours after his check-in! Busted!
Our DS is devastated. He is 10 and won't talk to his Dad when he calls very often and says that he hates him. When DS tries to call his dad, he ignores the phone. He has emailed his Son once in the 3 weeks he's been away.
My Dad died the other day and we have the funeral approaching. DS needs love and support from both of us and that total selfish arsehole doesn't appear to care one jot. I could do with a hand, I work full time but in a new temp job and don't get paid when not at work. He told me to get a cleaner before he left but obviously, that is now a luxury I cannot afford. Just him being around to look after DS wouldn't hurt - I know his job is important but it's his 'father-in-law', I'm gutted about my Dad and getting sick of handling everything alone.
If I totally cut this miserable fucker off for any length of time, I get accused of blocking him from his child. Yet he can ignore us whenever he likes.
I'm sick of being accommodating on behalf of DS. I gave the ex the best time to call - which he knows damned well, but he was calling while we were about to leave for school to avoid anything lengthy. He knows our son is broken-hearted but he does nothing to help. He is not attempting to get home early despite the stress I'm under from the mess he left and then with my dad dying a week after we found out about him.
I asked him to show us some respect and not call when she's listening - yet it transpires she's always there. A text to say he's busy wouldn't hurt though would it?
He's promised he's committed to getting the financials formalised and I'm with a solicitor tomorrow.
I'm pondering whether to report that he punched me in Feb to the Police? Can I use the photo's of the bruising as evidence to get a court order to keep him away from me? I'm terrified he'll lose his job if I do report him - yet he doesn't give a shit about banging someone he was line-managing until a few weeks ago! He asked me not to report it and uses our son's school fees as a rod to beat me with.
We do need his financial proposal.
I wanted our son and him to be the good mates they always were before any of this midlife crisis bullshit! Do I have to keep communications open so I don't get accused of trying to stop him speaking to his son? I'm the one asking DS if he will speak to dad if only to get out some of the anger and tell him how he feels.
I'm now unable to tell him when dad is likely to call or when he's likely to see him because when he doesn't call - it's rejection just like when he ignores our calls or messages.
What a mess! He could've just left. Or fessed up before he got on the plane. He admitted he thought he'd get away with it - he was going to come back and carry on as if nothing had happened!
Had I not forced the confession , he would have had to come home early and he would've carried on lying to me. It's rather chilling - he was arranging a wedding for us ffs!
After 12+ years, I wish this felt like the lucky escape that it really is. I feel broken! But strangely strong too.
Any advice on how to handle the contact issue? Doesn't sound like he's going to want to see his child, until things get nasty and then he'll try to get as much time as piss that he won't stick to...the OW seems to enjoy a power trip too and is probably not helping matters.
Any tips appreciated.