Dp depression/ behaviour affecting dd.

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Started in car at motorway services, Dd said don't call him that- tony has called DS the baby.
Dp kicked off - who do you think you are? You're just an 8 year old
You have no respect
I'll do what I want
I told dd off/ why do you say things like that? She is quiet.
Dp stays in silence mono syllabic answers to questions

I ask an hour later is he going to continue with the silent treatment?
Shouting again about respect
I've brought her up wrong
I ask what he thinks I/ we should do?
Says he doesn't fucking care, do what you want.
I retaliate with we've put up with your moods, bought a book about parental depression to help dd understand why he loses his temper
Say I don't want to put up with it any more, the getting drunk all the time etc.
Dd
scared confused
Writes a note - can we stop I'm scared, please...
Stop at services, dp goes off to buy tea and an icecream for dd. Apologises for shouting.
What he's said can't be unsaid.
Apologises in car. I say I'm taking dcs home tomorrow (staying at ILs 300 miles away for a party tomorrow)

Am I wrong for staying with him? Tried to support him thru depression, how much do you put up with before it's too much and harming dcs emotionally? I know he loves them and doesn't want to behave as he does- he's been on ads for 2 and s half weeks and seeing counsellor. I know he is a good man, but should we separate til he's 'better'? How long do you leave it?
I desperately want to do the right thing but fuck me, what IS the right thing?

I don't know, maybe I'm naive. If someone was 'so hard on' my DS they wouldn't get a second chance. I'm all for family members getting involved and dealing with bad behaviour as it arises but being critical or disproportionately harsh would not be accepted.

Yes, you're wrong for staying with him. He abuses your daughter. His reason doesn't matter.

You've posted before about your 'DP' disliking your DD. She has been abandoned by her own father and has now had another man brought into her life who barely disguises his contempt for her. Poor child. Did you ever imagine that you would become the type of parent who put a man ahead of her kids? Because that is what you are now.

what IS the right thing?
The right thing is to leave this bullying, abusive man.
He's now abusing your DD and she will suffer for this.
You can see your DP has issues as an adult due to his parents behaviour.
You are now enabling this to happen to your DD.
Please, please look at this properly.
He's had chance after chance and he is still a vile human being.
Stop putting your children through this.
Get out and get out fast before your DD has long term damage!

Or what basgetti says!

I don't know the other threads - there's clearly a back story. Not knowing it, the responses to this OP are very LTB and dismissive of the good that's clearly present in the family. There's also an emotional response to the idea of an eight year old writing a note, without looking closely at the situation to see exactly why she might have written such a note. Yes, things clearly need to change. But there's not necessarily a clear-cut case for dissolving the family, especially when the OP's partner clearly has a desire to work at the marriage.

It's not a marriage. It's an an alcoholic abuser and an enabler.

They are not married and the OP has written at some length about this man before.

Things do need to change but neither the OP or her man within this seems willing to actually enact change. Its the children I feel the most sorry for because they cop all the emotional fallout from all this as well.

This isn't a family or a relationship. Why not wait till your children have left home and them you can have who ever you like as a partner? This is wrong. Your daughter is making memories that will stay with her for life and will influence her adult relationship with you and the type of men she goes for.

I don't meAn don't have a relationship.