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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just a note

9 replies

strong123 · 29/05/2014 18:53

You hurt me time and time again - why do I keep letting you do it?

I'm writing this note hoping that it might make me stop and think in the future....I need to start breaking free...

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/05/2014 18:56

Sorry that someone is repeatedly hurting you. Is there any reason you're only 'starting' to break free rather than taking the full plunge?

Original poster

strong123 · 29/05/2014 19:02

I can't make a complete break because we have a business together. I still have to have regular contact with him.

We meet for lunch yesterday and everything seemed fine - now today he is up to his old tricks. If we don't have the work connection then I would quite happily not have contact with him.

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/05/2014 19:19

Don't know the back story but if this is a long term partner who has betrayed or upset you, trying to get back what you had will be nigh on impossible if he thinks you will hastily forgive and be the one to do anything to put things right.

Work-wise there is a requirement to keep in touch but try and keep it on a strictly work level.

You haven't mentioned that you have children together. If so then you can't walk away from him until they are old enough but you can limit contact to bare essentials.

Original poster

strong123 · 29/05/2014 19:26

Yes we were together 23yrs until he moved out 6/7 weeks ago. I should know better by now - I can't keep getting hurt by him. All I wanted was to feel like no.1 in his life - I am such a fool - he clicks his fingers and I come running.

We do have 2 DC together but they are 16 and 10 so can contact him directly.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/05/2014 19:32

Are you taking steps to sell your share of the business? Very difficult to move on from the kind of dependency you're describing if you have to be in contact with that person all the time.

Original poster

strong123 · 29/05/2014 19:37

No plans to sell my share of the business - we've both worked so hard to build it up.....

I did wonder if I should move to a different area at the weekend as living down the road from him is also very difficult. Part of me thinks why should I as it would mean the children moving school etc but then maybe I need to for my own sanity.

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/05/2014 19:46

If he is down the road is that so he can see the DCs or is he not on his own? If he has blatantly 'carried on' with someone round the corner I can see why you'd be upset.

Original poster

strong123 · 29/05/2014 19:59

He has rented a flat himself but the friend that he is spending all the time with is also just down the road. They both swear there is nothing going on but that doesn't make up for that fact that he puts her in front of me and our children.

I don't think he is having a physical affair and he is not a fan of talking about his feelings but it still hurts...

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/05/2014 20:09

Maybe you could advertise for a lodger to help pay the mortgage. School summer holidays are round the corner perhaps you need an au pair. If they happen to be male and good-looking so much the better. Your ex can hardly complain. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

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