I was targeted and victimised. [Trigger warning added by MNHQ]

[Imsuchamess]

I go on another forum for sexual abuse victims. I put a post up about very bad childhood sexual abuse and someone pm me. We started talking on skype. He started saying he likes abuse victims as they like to be hurt. And saying all sorts of horrid stuff he does he said he always goes out with a sexual abuse victim and the worse they were abused the better. He said he likes to read the stories and imagine he Abused them. He also admitted he would love to have sex with a seven year old girl.

I have blocked him and reported him to the mods on the site. But I feel very traumatised by the things he said. I feel like I'll always be a victim. That's all anyone sees me as.

You are not a victim, you are a survivor and you did precisely the right thing reporting this nasty piece of work the minute you realised what he was like. I don't suppose you had enough information about him to report him to the police? Because you'd have been quite entitled to do that. Bigger picture is that everyone has to be aware that the internet is a public place and, as such, it is accessible to people with malicious intentions. So always be very careful what you say and to whom and try to avoid getting into PM conversations with people you don't know - MN included

Are you in receipt of counselling or other therapy?

Report it to CEOP (online child protection police). So sorry you had to experience this. It is not your fault.

Sorry.. I just recognised your username and I remember you are seeking treatment through Crisis and that you were experiencing some quite severe self-harming problems because of issues with your medication. Are you getting anywhere with that?

No I'm not in receipt of therapy. He said nothing incriminating just said things like I like to imagine. I spoke with him for a hour because I was debating about giving him enough rope to hang himself so he would admit something incriminating but I couldn't do it. He was triggering me too much and the things he said were disgusting and things I will never be able to forget.

My husband is taking me to crisis. He is off work early tomorrow and he is going to take me up.

You've taken charge of the situation so far by blocking and reporting him which is not victim behaviour, it's a strong, taking control behaviour.

You can report him to the police as they will be able to find him via the website, using his computer IP address.

I certainly don't see you as a victim, and what you have done is one of the things that will enable you to move onwards. Good luck.

You're clearly not strong enough to have worked a trap for this guy but you've reported him and that's as good as you can do. For your own sake you have to try to forget the things he said. If not, I'd suggest you contact the Samaritans and talk to someone IRL so that you can feel less traumatised until you can get proper help.

There not much point in reporting to the police he didn't admit anything incriminating.

He said more than enough for an investigation to begin. People don't have to admit something chapter and verse for the police to take an interest in their activities.

Really? I shall report him to that agency mentioned above.

I'm sure they'll be glad of the lead. FWIW it's not you specifically that was targeted and victimised. The forum you were on will, sadly, attract a particular type of person the way youth organisations attract paedophiles and Mumsnet attracts people who hate women... So keep your antennae tuned for anything they say that sounds 'off' & I would avoid PM-ing or accepting PMs from anyone in future. Far too easy for someone to misrepresent themselves when you can't look them in the eye.

Thank you I will avoid pms on that website from now on. He said he understood what I was going through and how I was feeling.

Understanding and knowing how you're feeling are presumably what you go to that forum for? Shared experiences in a 'safe' and presumably anonymous group setting rather like this one. There is no need for anyone to message you privately. Have you asked the rest of the people on the forum if they'd been messaged by the same creep?

You must report, the CPS need to be aware of this man. Who knows if his approach has previously worked? He could get into a relationship with someone who has children.

No I haven't asked the rest of the people on the forum if they have been approached but he has been banned.

If it's generally a nice, supportive group, how to deal with things like the person that PM'd you with upsetting/triggering messages could be something that others have also experienced. If you share your experience, others may benefit or be able to offer some thoughts of their own.

That's a good idea cogito thank you.

The police are taking a much greater interest in tjis kind of thing these days and i do think it would be worth reporting this to them, and leave ut with them as a possible avenue to investigate. That is their job, it isn't yours and you are not responsible for that person's terrible behaviour.

He doesn't understand of course, he was just saying that to try to find out more about you. He is probably pestering a lot of other people in the same way.

Glad you are now ignoring, avouding and have blocked him and alerted the forum managers. [thank you]

Sorry to hear about it Imsuchamess. The last thing someone on a supportive forum needs is a nobhead like him messaging you.

Cog is right and also it will warn others that there are morons out there who get their kicks that way. Sad but true.

All good wishes for the trip to Crises and I am glad you have a supportive hubby.