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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this what i think it is?

9 replies

imgonnapay · 29/05/2014 09:51

Please could you help to see if it's just me or these things are not right.
Been with H years had ups and downs but thats another thread, anyway about 3 months ago I decided to start my own little business from home I'm a sahm, obviously I'm quite occupied with that so didn't realise any change in H behaviour until funny things started happening like,
going out unplanned one Saturday night with his mate because his wife was going to a party in it self not a problem even though he hasn't done that for years then sleeping in the spare room when he came home.
Texting me on the Monday to see if he could go out with those from work which means staying in a hotel as he works 50 miles from home just because they wanted a night out.
Then after not mentioning anything about work for ages started telling me how busy they were and how he would have to work the next 3 Saturday mornings, he never works weekends.
So I thought I would have a look on his Facebook, changed his password but there was a message from a women saying she car't wait for them to play in her local pub on her birthday (he is in a band) but she put that on his Facebook page and not on the bands website.
Also over Easter he took Ds2 out for the day never asks me if I wanted to come then put photos on Facebook like he was a single Dad plus when we have a night out he tags us in the pub, hasn't done that recently in fact looking at his Facebook page you would think he was single.
Anyway after telling him about his behaviour, not that he saw anything wrong in it I got him to tell me his new password, said he changed it because he couldn't play candy crush on his phone!
So I had a look on Facebook, password was changed 3 months ago so I looked at his activity log and he has been liking all her selfie photos and statuses he also sought her out to be his friend after he played a party and she was there, he cannot seem to understand why I am upset. Please advise

OP posts:
littlegreenlight1 · 29/05/2014 10:00

Yes it looks like it is. He could be just infatuated with her, but there is certainly something going on.
Any of that would make me suspicious.

onetiredmummy · 29/05/2014 10:10

It is suspicious yes.

Is he emotionally (and possibly sexually) unavailable to you at the minute?

That amount of absence coupled with the facebook activity would make me suspect an emotional affair...I wonder if the woman knows about you? If he is marketing himself as single then possibly she does not know. This doesn't really make a difference as far as he is concerned though.

Can you 'find' some old photos of you 3 or just the 2 of you on your phone (or take a pic on your phone of old pics in the photo album) & pop them on facebook tagging him in them? His reaction should give you a clue...

imgonnapay · 29/05/2014 11:12

Thank you thought it car't just be me, emotionally quite a lot of the time, did have problems earlier this year sexually.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 29/05/2014 11:15

Nice husband, chasing other women while married to you, he's either having an affair now or is doing his damndest to start one.

Just ask him straight in the face, don't shy from it, he's making a mug of you.

mammadiggingdeep · 29/05/2014 11:25

Yes, I agree. Don't shy away from it, tell him it's not on. List it just like you have to us. He's acting single.

upnotdown · 29/05/2014 11:43

Probably. Sounds exactly like what my DP did. I was too slow to catch on/be bothered by it. It was an affair. And those days out, she was there once or twice (not on photos), with my 3 yo. We're still together (and we're good) but that still makes me sick. Get a grip on it now, OP.

LiquidCosh · 29/05/2014 11:44

Trust your gut instincts OP they will serve you well

Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2014 12:15

Yup, tag him in a photo of you together, making sure it's set so friends of friends can see it, and add a comment along the lines if my husband and me, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

imgonnapay · 29/05/2014 12:47

Thanks Liquid that's exactly it instinct knew before I knew if you see what I mean that's why I went digging

OP posts:
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