OH is 16 years older than me and sometimes we have a great relationship, lots of laughs, love and cuddles and just being. Other times he is a arrogant mardy bastard and I hate him.
We've been together over 7 years, were both separated when we got together. He is still separated and has not made any real move to progress his divorce or to sell his old house (where his ex lives and he still contributes to the council tax)
He promised me 5 years ago that it would be sorted out and we were to get engaged once it was all settled. Then his ex broke her leg and he said, "it's not fair to make her sell when she's not able to walk" fair enough.
Both his adult sons live there too.
Once his ex was able to get around again I asked him if he would be putting the house on the market so we could progress our relationship and he said "yes, once she's had her holiday" which narked me as I feel he's putting her feelings before mine.
Then his mum died, and his SIL (bro's wife) deliberately tried to exclude me from the funeral stating that his ex was her best friend and had "rights" including going in the first car at the funeral and being in front row at the crem. I was to get a bus and sit at the back if I wanted to go.
He fought my corner then, but on the day, his ex waltzed past me and pushed into my seat leaving me stood on the aisle like a lemon. Then everyone had to scoosh up making it look like I was the interloper.
I didn't say anything at the time as it was a sad occasion and I didn't know what to do really so did nothing.
Fast forward at Christmas and we're having chats about our future and he says he will get the house on the market and get his divorce moving.
He speaks to his ex who says "I want most of the equity as I have the boys and need a big house"
The boys being 25+ with jobs. He tells her she's entitled to 50/50 and she's not happy. House doesn't go on market.
5 years in, I'm beginning to think that he doesn't care about my feelings but hers, and we had a few rows about it. He even said that "it was convenient that we got together as I had my own house as he couldn't live in his old house any more" which made me feel that he used me.
He is hyper-critical.
My daughter shares her time between me and her dad. On her day off college, she helps out with household tasks, willingly. Except he hovers over her to make sure it's done his way.
I am of the opinion if someone helps then as long as it's done, it doesn't matter how it's done or in what order. He disagrees.
He will come and drag me to a piece of tissue on the stairs (for example) and say "that's been there 5 days now" - I say "if you saw it why didn't YOU pick it up?" - "it's not mine/wanted to see how long it would be there"
Same as a teabag drip, bread crumb, something which fell out of a cupboard and wasn't spotted.
I will always just pick up/wipe it up without even thinking; he has to drag me to it and make a fuss. He objects to DD listening to the radio while doing stuff around the house.
If something displeases him he will go into a sulk and ignore us both for as long as he feels is necessary. Days at a time. I used to beg him to tell me what was wrong and then get a pontificating lecture about how things are never done right.
Now I think "sod you" and ignore him back. But I detest the walking on egg shells when he gets up to see what mood he's in that day. He sulked for 4 days of a 7 day holiday because our flight was changed to 6am from 7am. Totally blanked DD and I, and spent the time in the room with the door shut.
His latest is to come in and tell me "we need to get this house sorted out as I don't like living in a pig sty" - tone of voice and attitude implying that I do. The house IS messy but mostly it's full of his boxes of his collection which he brought with him when he moved in 6 years ago. He knows how to push my buttons and then accuses me of being childish and being stressed, then using the resultant argument to sit on the computer and play a poxy card game.
I am very busy as I started my own business last year and need to pay attention to that but I do pull my weight around the house.
We have argued probably every other fucking day since new year and I am sick of it. I want a bit of peace and don't need to be dragged to see the latest "problem". I want to be able to do nothing even if the washing up needs doing, I want to do my own thing in my own time.
If I start to do any household things he will invariably take the knife out of my hand and do it himself, or tell me that "I'll do that" and watches while I put a load of washing on and then tells me I'm interfering.
He will suddenly become all loving after a few days of sulking and expect sex. He won't shower every day despite working on the allotment and sometimes stinking to high heaven, he wears the same smelly clothes as "they're working clothes and I'm going to be working" and I just am put off by the smell. I don't even think that I fancy him any more. He keeps growing a beard knowing I dislike beards.
DD has noticed how he talks to me and said to me that he treats me really badly. He's always on her case about her room (mostly full of his boxes and my business stock) her friends, her college work, her table manners (better than his sometimes) her not having a job despite trying, and nothing ever seems to please him.
DD hates him.
I've had enough of feeling like this. I feel that he doesn't care about me or he would have divorced his wife to be with me. I don't need this crap on a daily basis. Have an argument, fine. That's it once it's resolved. Don't do the frigging "poor me" behaviour.
I don't think there's any more to gain from being together and most of me wants out. Except I'm really scared. And crying now.
Sorry it's so long.