So... fed up and so damned ... well damned fed up

[nespressofan]

That's it really. I have been cheated on. The cheaters are here on my doorstep. I risk bumping into them at any time. I don't feel anything for him any longer, never felt anything for her, she's nothing. I feel sorry for my son who has had to go through so much in the past year, with GCSEs and our crap. The walking on eggshells, then the departure, then the lies and now the maybe seeing stbx with the bint in town as they are 'out' and 'about'. I don't want to see them. I am imprisoned here. I am doing my best to get myself out and about with meetup. But I still have to come home here. I just seem to be scared of everything. And then the next day strong. It's almost like I want my friends to be here 24/7 and of course they can't be. Sometimes I am so breathless I get scared. I don't know what more I can say. I just want someone to help me. I am ok when friends come round but as soon as they leave I am a nutcase.

How are you feeling now? Remember you are not alone.

Remember, the Samaritans are there when you just need to talk, but the other thought I have is to go to your doctor. Perhaps there is something she/he can suggest for anxiety?

Thanks Vivacia. I have every support you can imagine and thanks for that. However the support is not enough. I am not high maintenance but I am not getting support from my family whilst my husband is walking around town with the ow. I don't go out of the house when he is in our village. This is a v difficult situation. I feel I want to end it all. I know, I know she is not worth it and I have a son. So I wont but it is how I feel. I could just walk out and do it

I won't do what I feel like doing. I really won't. I am in a very bad place. I am better than putting myself on the A25. I know that. I shall go to bed. I don't want to kill myself but I do feel I'm better dead.

I think that not leaving the house because he might be in the village is a reason to see the doctor. You do not need your family's support, you can take steps to help yourself.

It sounds as though your body is asking for help and saying, "look, take this seriously". I hope that doesn't sound silly!

You don't sound silly. I don't understand why I should see the doc as a reason for not seeing him. I am so worried. So worried.

Gosh OP I am so sorry for what you and DS have gone through. You're very brave. I can't offer much more than a hand to hold. x

Thanks. I have watched all posts for many months and I am about to see someone special to us next weekend who you and I have helped. I have never posted my story because I didn't feel I merited the advice/support you all give to those who deserve it. I do deserve some help. I know that. I just feel terribly unworthy of your help and terribly unworthy of anybody's help. Thanks.

for you, even though they are unmumsnetty.

you are worthy of help and love.

if you feel bad when you're alone, then at least you aren't alone right now, because there are people reading here right now who are holding you in their thoughts.

thanks
v difficult

That must be very hard. Do they live in the same village as you then ?

I was thinking that you sounded (understandably) very anxious. A doctor might be able to help you with that, perhaps refer your to a counselling. It sounds a very difficult way to live and there's just no need to live with these feelings.

Nespresso - I've seen you on other threads being so lovely and helpful and caring, to complete strangers. Please don't take that away!
See the doctor, they might be able to help with the feelings.
Re ex, can you move? Even a bit away, so youve less chance of bumping into them?

I have seen you around on here as well. You give good advice and are funny.

Recognise this for what it is - anxiety. See your doctor and ask for help. It might take a little while before things get better but it will get better.

Post your story on here - it will help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and the way you are feeling. First of all - you are worthy of being looked after, you deserve to feel better than this. You deserve to live without fear. You can't change where your ex lives but it does sound like you would benefit from some support or counselling to help manage your response. I know that fear and it is overwhelming - as if there is something very serious to be afraid of. It doesn't mean that there is - it's the body's response, from what you say it sounds very much like a symptom of anxiety, perhaps even a panic attack. You can get help for this.

GP is a good place to start - I got counselling from there (I paid for it as didn't want to wait. Not cheap but best money I ever spent)

Nespresso - you do need to go to your doctor. YOu are over anxious, sounds like you're almost having panic attacks, your doc can help with these. I fully understand you don't want to see your ex and his woman, that makes perfect sense to me - but you need to be able to function at home.

If you can't move, or even consider moving, then go to the doc and get some help, please. Any drugs they offer need only be short term, to get you past the worst of these feeling - you may be able to access counselling to help you in the longer term. But you won't get any of that if you don't go and ask for it, so please just GO and See Your GP.

hope you are ok nespresso

Nestersso - I am in a similar situation to you - OH left after he was spending too much time with a female friend which was causing arguments between us. She lives up the road and when I see his work van parked outside her house then it upsets me all over again. I know it is early days but I am also finding it hard to deal with - I wanted to let you know that you are not alone xx