Is it possible to be 'relationship bipolar'?

[livvielife]

My mum has bipolar disorder. One day she'd love life, the next she'd hate everything and everyone. I mean no disrespect to anyone by my title, it's just how I personally think of my relationship behaviour.

Let me explain.

Dp and I have been together for six years. We each have children from previous relationships, as well as a one year old together. He is trustworthy, kind, good with the children, attractive, we have a good sex life, he adores me, easygoing, non-confrontational. Some days I fully appreciate these qualities and think how lucky I am to have him.

On other days, I focus on negatives and can't seem to get over them. I probably act a bit colder to him but I don't snap (though I feel like it) and we have never discussed it. He has a tendency to be over-affectionate so today I tried to reduce this by approaching him for a big hug and kiss as soon as he got in from work. Otherwise he's constantly standing in the way, putting his arm round me etc while I'm trying to cook tea and sort out the kids and it drives me nuts. He appreciated his greeting but was still following me round the kitchen trying to kiss me whenever I face him and it really annoys me.

One yr old started crying in other room and still, he's trying to cuddle me. I have to ask him to see what's wrong with her as am in the middle of cooking. He puts her on the sofa and sits by it for a minute then comes back to kitchen. She thought he was still sitting there so rolled over to see him, instead rolling off and banging her head on the wooden floor because he's moved without telling her. She won't accept him settling her so I have to do that. Shes fine after a few mins so I leave her playing and go back to cooking. She comes in kitchen and I'm chopping raw chicken so tell her daddy will help her as she's asking for a drink. He sits her on the worksurface next to a pan of boiling water and she is literally a centimetre from putting her whole hand in the 'bubbles' when I notice and grab her.

Today isn't typical but I do just feel he's a hindrance a lot of the time. He has little authority with the children but I can't step in and undermine him every time so I try and be patient but it ends up with me having to pick up the pieces. For example, he'll ask ds to go and brush his teeth. Ds will carry on playing. He'll keep repeating ds' name every twenty seconds then start with 'there'll be no tv tomorrow if you don't listen' etc but ds knows he never follows through so ignores him. It takes him 25 mins to get him to brush teeth, by which time other ds is crying as very tired and they share a room. I'd only have to ask once about teeth and it'd be done and kids would've been in bed 30 mins earlier without threats or tears.

I could go on and on but not sure if my mindset makes sense to anyone reading so I'll leave it there. It's not hormone related, there's no specific pattern - just some days I adore him and want to marry him and others he annoys me beyond words. Does anyone else feel like this?

Do you work outside the home or are you home all day with the children? Because what you're describing sounds like fairly normal minor irritations that accumulate until they spill over periodically. The answer is to talk to each other.

Tell him for example that, although you like his affectionate side, there's a time and a place. If you want help of some kind, be specific about what it is you want rather than hoping someone gets it right and then getting annoyed when they don't. When it comes to dangerous stuff like sitting babies next to pans of boiling water, hit the roof!!! He's a grown man, he should have more commonsense.

But TALK. Talk when things are calm, the kids are in bed and everyone's in a good place to listen.

Should add... the person you're describing sounds like they fall into the category of 'sweet but useless'. Nice to look at but totally impractical. I'm sure he is easy-going and non-confrontational but, when there is actual real-life stuff to get done and you're up against it, you don't need a man-shaped ornament cluttering up the place. You need someone on the team who pulls their weight.

So it's not a 'bipolar relationship'... but he has to be very careful because it seems he attracts contempt. The kids don't take him seriously already and, very soon, neither will you.

I work from home. Sweet but useless describes it perfectly. He can surely see the washing up needing doing, toys on the floor, dog standing by the door waiting to go out but it doesn't occur to him to do anything about it. If I talk to him about anything, he just apologises. It's pointless.

I just spend my time doing everything to the point where I wonder what the point of being in a relationship or having a co-parent is. I feel like we work well as a couple independently of the children (when they're in bed) but when we're all together he irritates me because he mooches around after me when I'm busy with the kids or he should be.

Does he hold down a job that requires any sort of autonomous decision-making or does he work in a field where he simply waits for instructions?

His job is extremely responsible - he's responsible for other people's lives both at work and members of the public He said the pressure means he switches off at home

Oh yes.... that logic really works for me too.... I think you need to acquire a rocket this weekend and position it under his arse.

• Set the expectations
• Outline the benefits of meeting the expectations and the consequences of not meeting them
• Follow through......