Just told DH I want to split - need to keep my nerve!

[Chocolate99]

After previously posting about very seperate lives, no sex for best part of 6 years, financial bullying etc I have revisited the splir or not conversation with DH. I first spoke to him about it 7 weeks ago and said neither of us were happy to which he agreed, he persuaded me to try although in reality he hasnt very much tried and my heart wasnt really in it. Approached him again saying i thought we should seperate - he just picked up on the no sex thing and said thats not good enough reason to end marriage etc, but its all about you etc. I did not blame him for anything said i was being realistic it has been going wrong for some time and if he was being honest he would say the same. He said i was a shit wife who did not support him, didnt cook his tea ( hes never here) etc etc, went from accusing me of giving up, to having an affair (where would i find the time) to poor him (i dont want this, i would cut off my leg than hurt DS). Quickly moved onto to how much (little) he would give me or i would make an enemy for life etc. throughout it all i just stayed calmed and repeated the commonsense no onis to boame approach and advised i would look into tax credits/ renting as he wont move out, statement of atrangements for children. Think he sensed i was serious at that point and said i havemt. Got much to give you - he earns double what i do and i will be paying £750 rent while he pays our £120 per month mortgage... He has 3 cars of his own and a caravan so thats a big chunk. He said the reason I did not see any of s money was because i wasnt supportive enough of him and a crap wife. I know this is absolutely the best thing to do, and he would never have done it himself despite it needing to be done, he always takes the easy option, really really hope i can stay strong as he will be doing anything he can to undermine me or make me question myself - hand holding please ladies

Please go and get some legal advice on your financial situation.

Sorry you are going through this, it's shit. Well done - hold your nerve.

Hand holding [hug]

Well done you - chin up, chest out as they say - stick to your guns and all the best for the future

Thank you ladies, have been to 2 soliciotrs already, taken copy of his pension statement etc so have been hetti ready but felt absolutely sick at the. Thought of doing it, especially after trying to do so before. Feels like a weight off me but i know it is just the beginning of some very hard times, just need to stay out of his way for a while as much as you can in same house!

Its the best option by far, what an arse, you don't need him, my DH is the same would have been happy to rumble on unhappily despite the effect on the children, that is until i had proof of his cheating with prostitute, ive had everything thrown at me from it being my fault (go figure!) to he wanting t try again (yeah right!), I'm having a tough day today but on the whole cant wait to get him and all his crap out of my house and begin the rest of my life, you get on and do the same chick x

Oh bless you onion, you have really been through it. I know it would be so much less hassle to stay put but i am miserable and havent been me for a long time, feel really ground down by it and the longer it goes on its harder to realise the toll it has taken. It must be. Ery hard for you to go throug all those emotions yourself whilst he has been trying to get back in? I keep thinking of all the positives and where i could be in 1 years time, to keep me motivated. Lets face it, it is going to take a steong woman to do it, a weak man is never going to be capable of it.

Stay strong! It'll be worth it, well done so far

Thank you Ever, love your username btw! I have just heard him throw my things from bedroom to landing so sapre room for me, thats fine i actually sleep better in there now anyway :). Just need to sort out a rented house for me and DS but have never rented before so havent a clue where to start and dont seem to be many around either. If i stay here it will be like nothing has changed and he defo wont move out.

Spare room and a good nights kip it is then! Renting is easy, we had problems with our chain when we last moved so went into rented. You do need a healthy deposit but other than that it's ok. One life, that's all you get....

That's true chocolate i also cant wait to be me again i know i am there buried underneath as i have told close colleagues at work what's happening and they think I'm doing brilliantly truth is it is the one place i escape from him, i cant wait to be excited about weekends like everyone else instead of dreading them, cant wat for freedom and fun with the children, i cant believe he doesn't really realise the seriousness of what he has done. I'm not doing that well but life is short and the long term gains are huge, good luck, i will look for your updates x

Hi Onion, yes have been saving my pennies for last few weeks and according to tax credits calc i will get around £350 per month which is better than i thought and maybe council tax benefit also. I am focussing on the practical side as i tend to be organised anyway. Yes, isnt it an indication of our men that we would rather do it all, by ourselves with less money than stay with them? As that lovely lady Maya Angelou who died today once said the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”. Unfortunately, it has taken me quite a few years! Good luck babes and let me know how you and the children are getting on.

Apologies thanks Ever, re the deposit, will see if i can take some time off work tomorrow to get the ball rolling. There is a house just down the hill but am not sure if that is too close or whether would be perfect for DS handovers etc, toy left behind - got all that to think about now, just want to make sure he is happy, thats most important.

I wish you well, and very poignant that you would use Maya's very wise words today. Good luck x

Thank you Any xox

are you me by any chance.exact situation here. yes, even the six year no sex. uncanny. all of it.

yes. i have just told him i want a divorce too. i have reached the end of my tether.would rather live on bread and water for the rest of my life than be with my bullying controlling ,ok as long as i live the way he wants me to, husband.it has been twenty seven years. toolong. and i am 50.

You have it spot on spiritual, as long as they are getting things on there own terms they are fine but god forbid you should be a woman with an opinion.. Well done you, it is not easy but the things worth doing never are, are they? Are you going to be moving out too, starting the divorce petition? I have all the paperwork here ready but am going to wait until i have moved out to start that as think until then he is not going to take me seriously. Hope you are getting on okay?