is this it forever?

[sprite25]

Hi I've name changed for different reasons. DH was diagnosed with dyspraxia earlier this year. It's something which has caused him problems since childhood and has caused problems between us. When he was diagnosed I felt relieved to have a reason for our problems but now I feel like despite it, my feelings have changed and I don't know if I actually love him. We had very awkward uncomfortable sex the other night which I didn't enjoy at all and I guess it worried me that him kissing me touching me etc. I just felt....nothing. No closeness no intimacy just nothing. Am I stuck forever like this???

Personally I think if you are questioning wether you love him then you probably don't...

dyspraxia - doesn't that affect reading and co-ordination?

LEM it does but it affects alot more then that, concentration, ability to multi task, it causes anxiety and alot of other things. Basically because of it it seemed like he was unsupportive, disinterested, didn't care how I felt etc. So my feelings changed thinking he was just being an arse but it was down to the dyspraxia but I don't know if I can get those feelings back for him

I can see that you are now in a difficult situation. Has his diagnosis meant that he has been able to access help at all? especially with the emotional side of things? Maybe he was being an arse though? who just happened to have dyspraxia? Maybe counselling as a couple? if you want to make it work? do you have chidren?

I think you have to ignore the dianosis to be honest and go on your feelings - it would be cruel to stay with him just because of the dyspraxia, more cruel than leaving him because of it, iyswim

We have looked into counseling but it would mean travel costs on top of paying for the sessions which we can't afford. We have a baby and even though I feel we should go our seperate ways I feel like I can't, or I'm too scared maybe

I don't think you can expect things to change overnight and to suddenly feel like everything is alright.

For a long time you have been feeling hurt, rightly or wrongly but the feelings are still the same.

With the diagnosis, what you have now is an explanation for his behaviour.
What awaits you is to decide if you can live with his behaviour now that you know they aren't suppose to hurt.
And see if you can get passed/forget all these hard times.
It can be that atm you feel like you love him because all the hurts are still very much at the forfeit of your mind. It might be that, as you find a new balance, you can forget and the love again. Or a different kind of love. Or you might have gone too far down the line already.

How long ago did you get the diagnosis? And did you feel like this re sex before the diagnosis?

I also think it would be as cruel to stay because if the diagnosis than it is to leave wo taking the diagnosis into account.

sprite I wouldn't rush into any decision right now.

davinci is right

www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/

Worth a look and they have a helpline.

"So my feelings changed thinking he was just being an arse but it was down to the dyspraxia but I don't know if I can get those feelings back for him"

He could also be an arse with dyspraxia of course ... Just because someone comes along and attaches a nice medical-sounding label to behaviours that make you unhappy, doesn't make the behaviour any more pleasant, doesn't make you any more happy and doesn't mean you have to suffer in silence.

Thanks for all the replies. I know the dyspraxia doesn't excuse some of his behavior and as yet nothing has really improved between us, it makes me feel so sad as I feel like we're more just friends then husband and wife and almost feel conned out of having the happy life I thought I was going to have with him

sprite, when things were bad with DH, I thought about leaving too. And then we I worked out his 'diagnosis' which he agreed on.

That didn't stopped me feeling hurt. That didn't transform all the hard times into nice times. It just gave me a framework.
I felt sad to start with. Sad of what I had lost, grieving for the life I though I was going to have and now knew I would never have. it was a hard time.

And then I realized that these hard times were fewer and fewer because some the behaviours I could now see them for what they were, the symptoms of his 'problem'. So instead of feeling hurt, I could look at him and think 'Ah Ok this is just xxx. It doesn't mean he is mean/a twat/wants to hurt me (cross as appropriate)'
Having a diagnosis also gave us a framework to work from to improve things, change some of our behaviours to make it easier for both of us.

Now we have a nice life but not what I expected when I got married. It's a different normal, our normal and it's nice too.

I would really advise you to read as much as possible about dyspraxia and let a bit of time go before taking a decision.
I'm not saying you have to stay. Just that facing the fact that some his behaviours will never change because of his disability is a very hard thing to swallow.

Also remember that this guy will always be in your life in some ways as you have a baby together. Understanding dyspraxia is a must regardless of your decision.

DaVinci thanks for that post I'm glad someone understands it from a personal point of view? I just really don't know if I can be in love with him again, the more time goes on the less I think I feel for him. I don't remember the last time he paid me a compliment and pretty sure in a roundabout way he called me ugly. I know thats just him being an arsehole. Weve spoken so many times about splitting up but he always makes me feel like a total hitch who would be hurting our DD, he has no where to go etc.