Have we reached an impasse?

[octopush1]

My partner of 16 years says-

I'm confrontational
I make us always negotiate day to day issues
I should accept his grumpy behaviour...it's only what I see, not what is
I've made parenting mistakes
Talking gets us nowhere, because I don't listen
He's worried about losing our family
He's worried about losing my support
He doesn't like sex with me
He wants to stay with me
He'll change if I commit to staying together
He doesn't need to change, the problems are mostly with me, I must change

I say-
He's unhappy and it effects us all
I need to know why he's unhappy
We must negotiate the big stuff we disagree on- marriage/children/finance
I don't want to negotiate the small stuff, you can decide without me
I do my best parenting we have different styles
I've done my best not to be critical of his parenting...
But now I don't let him get away with inconsistency and bullying
I want a good sex life
I've lost my appetite for sex with him after 10 years of trying to get him interested
I'm not convinced he can change
He has never said he wants ME above all else.

Mumsnetters...your thoughts appreciated! We are in counselling but it's come down to whether I decide to re-commit to the relationship or not. My partner has many fine attributes but empathy is not one. Our life is joyless. But am I throwing a good relationship away on just the everyday problems many of us have?

" I'm open to trying anything"

This is why he doesn't say what he's dissatisfied with.... By being unhappy in the bedroom look what he gets (until recently). A woman that will try anything!

I think it's horribly passive aggressiveto say "I'm unhappy but I don't know why" basically leaving you to tie yourself in knots trying to work it out and trying to make it right while he sails on, happy being unhappy

An update...spent an 90 mins alone with our relationship counsellor today. She reckons my partner is gay...I'm not sure that just not wanting sex with the gorgeous me makes him gay, but she is an insightful woman. Hmmm...

Also...him being gay would be a relief! Oh dear, a sign this must not continue as is!!

OP and others, I'm in the same boat. I've been posting under another name for a few years about H, married 15 yrs, 2 dc.

Reached a tipping point a year or so ago, I now just want him to go. He thinks I should leave without my dcs, which he knows I'd never do. He wants me to 'change back' to who I was before I stopped putting up with his constant criticism and coercive controlling behavior.

Think I'm heading to the spare room for the first time tonight.

Seeing some good advice on this thread.

Cheers YouCanDropTheAttitude...there's also less snoring in the spare bedroom :-)