Ex fling and is he with me for me or the benefits?

[DLCC]

I just need some advice as I feel Im going a little bit mad. DP and I have been together 20months, we have 4 children between us but dont live together. We have both been divorced 4 years, I have my children all the time apart from EOW, he has his 50%.

In the few months up until me he had a fumble/snog with a girl he worked with, she is 13 years younger than him, she was in a LTR and he was single, I think he became a little infatuated her being younger, blonde, attractive and she led him into believing they could have a relationship until her BF took her away for the weekend, proposed and she said yes. They got married last May, she left the company DP works at as a Director at last September. In December hed left his LinkedIn account open on my iPad and I saw a message to her saying something to do with her car being stolen, she replied (just general chitchat, how are you?) he said, keeping his head above water, youre missed.obviously, I spoke to him about it and he said he meant she was good at her job hence the, youre missed, part. I wasnt born yesterday and told him to stop being fing stupid and was he wangling for a meeting? Shes still a friend on FB. I know it all happened before he met me, but I cant shake it, its probably to do with the fact shes 13years younger than me, attractive, blonde etc etc. I also found a to do list he wrote just before he met me, things like get motivated at work, get the garden done, get over XX (her initials)?

I need to forget it and move on but just cant, he leaves his phone, Facebook, email, everything open so I dont think hes hiding anything, and shes married now. My ExH visited prostitutes and gambled all our savings away and I found all that out by email so I always seem to be hyper alert with anything on the computer.

Im also concerned that hes with me not because he wants and desires me but for what I can offer? I own a house with quite a bit of equity, he rents and has no deposit, all our children get on great and are of similar ages, Im being made redundant so will be around for the summer and hes hinted that maybe Id like to move in with him for the summer (he lives 45 minutes away) he doesnt get enough holiday to cover his 50% of his childrens holiday so I think hes relying on me to help out. Im not sure whether hes with me as a glorified babysitter and a big deposit as hes desperate to buy.

The positives are that we do go out, have fun, hes affectionate and everything is great in the bedroom.

Im going to ruin it all if I carry on like this.

Take away what you think are the benefits he's receiving and see what you've got left.

The equity in your home is yours, and nothing on God's earth would make me jeopardise or compromise that. Possibly not even marriage unless it was at the end of a REALLY long and secure relationship.

I thought nothing too suspicious until you said on the ToDo list is get over her - sorry but I'd be hurt and upset and I'd have it out with him. You've been together for a small amount of time so don't put yourself into any financial situations with him at all.

Usually you know if a man really loves you, you don't sound too sure.

Why should you leave it and move on, I'd be paying a lot of attention to this as it signifies what he thinks of your relationship right now.

Thank you.
Jan, the to do list was written from what I can work out a couple of months before he met me..... I was really confident and secure in the relationship until I saw that email...

Bitter, that's a good idea, thank you..

Ok, that's different then.....perhaps you helped him get over her then. Other than that I don't think he's stringing you along but don't do anything financially risky until you've been together much longer.

So you go out, have fun and the sex is good.
What else does he offer you?
Companionship.. Romance.. Love.. Respect..

What more do you want?
I'd be taking thing slowly for now and enjoying the fun and sex.
But there is no way I'd be babysitting his kids for the summer.
He has to sort out that childcare problem.

I get other issues from your post but I'm not quite sure what.

Hells, I think my other issues are the trust thing, after finding all that out about my ExH I think everyone I meet is going to do the same thing! I need to forget the past and move on otherwise I'm going to ruin the future!

Jan, I am DEFINITELY not selling my house, I would consider buying with him and renting mine out but not selling it. It's for my children eventually.

If you're being made redundant surely you won't "be around" for the summer? You'll be breaking your neck trying find another job. And that precludes living in some-one else's house 45 minutes away minding a bunch of kids. If he's hinting you might be thinking of doing that for him I think you should make it plain that your own children are quite enough to be going on with, thanks.

Bitter, Absolutely, I think he's getting the hint. I've put enough aside so that I can take the summer holidays off with my children which I've never been able to do before, I'll hopefully going for interviews etc but ideally won't start until they go back in September. That's the plan anyway..

Bitter, Absolutely, I think he's getting the hint. I've put enough aside so that I can take the summer holidays off with my children which I've never been able to do before, I'll hopefully going for interviews etc but ideally won't start until they go back in September. That's the plan anyway..

OP, good girl, your kids come first.