Hi everyone,
I haven't been on this site in a while, but I have come here to not only vent and to make sense of the situation, but to also ask for some good, honest advice.
Ok, so here is a bit of background. I have been seeing an olderman since last June. We both met at work. We were both in unhappy relationships. I was in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship (although not at all a justification for me going else where) for 6 years and I have a 5 year old son with my now ex. We ( as in my ex partner) have been separated for about 6 months now. The olderman was in his relationship for roughly 3 years. It was a long distance relationship. She lives in Paris with their daughter. That is where she works. She wanted him to relocate from Liverpool where he works to Paris and she also wanted another child with him. Apparently he was pushed into having his now daughter with her ( hmmm). He and his now ex have a 2 year old daughter together .He also has two children from an ex-marriage of his. Ok so yes I know it's not right. Affairs are wrong and I understand that if anything at all goes wrong, like he cheats, etc that I sort of deserve it. Karma and all that, etc. But I do love him very much and he helped me out of a bad relationship.
Ok, so OM ( who is 42 I am 28), was with this woman who he claimed selfish, never made any effort with his children. His children are young. He claimed that they never liked her,etc. She used to critisise him constantly, put him down and apparently he just never found her attractive ( how odd- they made a baby together). Anyways sorry for waffling on. She is this super successful career woman who has about 5 properties and a nanny, maid, etc. I am not. I am just a secretary for a law firm and a part time singer in a band ( pub gigs). We are completely different. Anyways, so I split with my ex because I finally got the courage to leave him and( that was as previously said 6 months ago). Quite an amicable split miraculously. I split with my ex because he was not right for me and I just wanted to be happy, so yes partly also for the OM. So olderman despite his threats to leave her, took a while longer. This was a painful process for me. I felt crappy for being the bit on the side and also because I hated the fact that we were both essentially taking the piss out of this woman. It does make me feel crap about myself and I hate that I have had an affair. So his ex found about about me about 2 monthe prior to their split. She found notes that the stupid donut forgot about in his work diary and went through his phone and saw numerous calls from my numer, but she didn't check texts. So obv at that point in time she is making more effort with him and his children. I don't get this, I would of gone mental at him. But she was so desparte to make it work, so she obviously swept that under the carpet. So he had been having chats with her constantly saying that he wanted to break up, they weren't right. He was sick of travelling to france, he was tired and that he didn't love her anymore. Apparently she just didn't listen. Then shite really hit the fan about 3 months ago when she found pictures of me on his laptop, she went mental as understandly you would but still begged for him to stay. He said no. So after numerous conversations she finally got it.
Ok so sorry after all that ....phew. We are now at the present. She has tried to be funy about access to his daughter, but he has been visiting her in Paris, so I believe it is amicable-ish. Right so here is the thing. She wants to come over in a few weeks time, sit down and have a chat with his children to explain why they split up. I think this is crazy. Am I being ridiculouis thinking that? He says that he doesn't mind, as she might be better with access, etc. I think its odd as she could say anything. I think she is just doing it to make herself look better, to make him appear more of the villan. It's mad. She wasnt even close with them. Also his step mother knows about me and says she really misses his ex and says how lovely she is and wants to visit Paris to see her. Despite how much I love him... will this be more difficult then it's worth?.. Also she does not want me anywhere near their daughter as she constantly stalks my twitter page and thinks I am bad example to her and his other kids, as I wear make up and look tarty ( haha- I do wear make up but I am not tarty looking) and that I am a low life secretary that has no money so I am a bad example to anyone's children. OOps! I am being a stupid naeive young woman that is gonna end up getting badly hurt? I need help! My head is a mess. Has anyone been through this and all worked out ok? I understand the cliche' of this situation
Sorry if some of this don't make sense, I am at work . :/