response to us leaving

[jilted]

In brief, I have been with my husband for 5 years.
We have 3 young dcs.
DH has always given me the silent treatment for days or weeks on end for trivial things. When not in silent mode, he critises me and uses sarcastic comments to put me down. He is cold and distant.
Along with this he does not show any empathy or feeling whatsoever.
He works n his computer all weekend and spends no time with us at all.
In short we live separate lives.
I am extremely stressed (not eating properly, very down and drinking way too much caffeine!)
I decided to leave a fewr weeks ago and go to my mums.
I told him last night we were going awY to my mums.
He continued on his computer and acted indifferent just saying 'ok'
I said I was not going on the holiday (planned in two weeksu
) He just said 'alright' and then went upstairs.

This morning, he just said before he left ' don't bother making me dinner tonight' and went.

I just wondered if this is a normal response or will things get worse this week?
I just do not know how to interpret it.
I'm very confused, can't wait to get away.

We don't talk anyway now (if we ever really did)
Can anyone relate?

I think it means, he doesnt believe you will leave.

It sounds like he just doesn't know what to say or how to react. Maybe he's just desperately trying to stay "in control" of the situation. In terms of actually leaving, do you own your house? Would it be more practical in the long run if you stayed there with your children and he moved out? Hope you are ok. It's a stressful time.

Yes, black, we have a mortgage. It would be more practical in some ways but tbh, I am a long way from my family and friends and am a sahm. I don't have any control over the money. (we have separate accounts and he deals with the mortgage ect) I know I would get more help with the dcs if I moved and could potentially get some work.

It sounds terrible. Was he always like this? Or did something happen to trigger this behaviour, or was it gradual? Does he have friends and fun elsewhere? Or do you think he's depressed?

Or maybe he really doesn't care - had a wife and children because that's what one does, not because that's what he wants out of life, and will be glad to be rid of the distraction. (Not that he'll be so comfortable about it once he realises they don't just sort of politely fade away out of his life...)

Honestly, does he seem to even like any of you very much?

Yes, he has always been like it but has gradually got worse squeegle.
I think so Annie, he really doesn't I don't think. I've been running around on eggshells for a long time oandering to his every need but I'm just a cleaner and cook really. I don't think he ever loved us really. Its horrid to say but true.

Sounds like going to family is best for you then. Just make sure your name comes off any bills etc if you do separate for good. Maybe you could write him a letter just to explain why you're leaving and saying what your hopes were for the marriage. Sometimes you can go round in circles wondering why people behave as they do, but really only he knows and can tell you that. And even if he did you might not be able to make sense of it. I think what I'm saying is focus your energy on practical things at the moment. Hopefully you will feel better once you've moved and have more support around you.

Poor you. It really does sound good to get out, and to make your life away from him. Agree, you won't really ever know what goes on in his mind. Frustrating, but there is a much nicer life awaiting you where you're not criticised and sulked at. It's very wearing . My ex was like that and I'm so much happier and more balanced now (although financially poorer). The kids are happier too. He's good to them, but he wasn't good to me, and that doesn't make a nice happy home. Good luck.

That's right. Must concentrate now on what matters - getting away.
I could go on forever wondering. X

I think he doesn't believe you'll actually go. Or he's worried you will and he's feigning nonchalance.

He sounds horrible. Good luck op

If he told me what you said to him and asked me what I thought it meant (without knowing all the stuff you just wrote about your relationship in your OP), I'd tell him that his wife was obviously pissed off at you and wanted you to ask what was wrong - it was her final warning that you needed to talk. It wouldn't sound like you asked for a divorce or were saying it was a permanent move out of the family home.

So he could be being stubborn thinking you're in turn being childish and giving him ultimatums for attention. Hence why he's not giving you any.

I think you need to tell him clearly you are after divorce and ask to discuss the practical issues of separation, division of assets, etc.

He might realise you're serious if he sees you've thought about the actual logics tics.

I agree with the PP. Have you made it very clear that 'going away to Mums' means that the marriage is over, divorce will be sought and all the rest? Or does he think this is some sort of temporary thing that will blow over if you all have some space?

I've wanted to but I guess I was testing the waters as I don't knw how he will react. He has a lot of underlying anger (nit necessarily with us but in general) his mannerisms reflect this which s why I have been a bit wary. But yes, I agree, maybe I need to be clearer and we definitely need to talk about the children. His moodz are very unpredictable.
He went to work this am and came back (said he frgot something) about an hour later, then went out again. He never does this. If he forgets something he is sually back within 10 mins as he catches a train.

He thinks you are having an affair?

He was checking if you're still there. He's worried but traying to act as if he's not.

Sounds as if he hasn't the tools to fix this. Surprised he even had the enthusiasm for fathering DCs. Almost like he has ticked the boxes and thinks that's it.

He either doesn't believe you or has totally disengaged and really doesn't care. I think that would be unusual though and I think you'll see some differences in his behaviour over the next week or two.

Raven,I doubt it! I have 3 dc under 5, the only times I go put are to the shops or to take the kids to nursery ect. I'm pretty sure he knows this.
I have literally been out twice by myself in the past year (without the dcs)
Plus I'm pretty sure he thinks nobody would want me anyway ??

Don't tell him it is permanent until you have left. Ring him and tell him then. If he has underlying anger and is unpredictable, take no risks.

He has never hit out at us Denzel or physically hurt us, I don't 'think' he would but it's in his eyes and his 'glares' when he is annoyed. He makes horrible growling noises when he is annoyed ect, it's like a vibe. I can't explain.