Anniversary approaching

[PTFswife]

I've posted before about how my husband had an affair last year. Without rehashing the entire thing, he did everything right (except the affair itself) in so far as telling me and doing everything he can since to make amends. Our relationship is genuinely a great deal stronger now than it was before the affair.

BUT. It's our wedding anniversary coming up. On our wedding anniversary last year, we went away for a romantic weekend. We had a brilliant time, I felt closer to him than I had in years and I felt we were reaching a turning point in our marriage. However, as it happens, it was slap bang in the middle of his affair. I discovered once it all came out, that he was emailing the OW while I was taking a shower in our hotel room after we'd just had the best sex of our married life. That was one of the hardest things for me to get over.

Anyway, we have worked really hard to rebuild our marriage but now with the anniversary approaching I am wondering how to deal with it. We have a very busy weekend on our anniversary as it's a friends significant birthday party and I'm glad of having something to do instead of trying to 'celebrate' the fact that we are even having another wedding anniversary.

Yet, I feel it needs to be marked somehow. I want to show him that I still love him despite what he did and well done us for making it this far, but equally feel that I just want the day to pass by so that I don't have to think about last year. Funnily enough, they don't make greetings cards that say: 'Happy anniversary. We nearly ended it there, what with you having an affair and all, but hey, we're still here and trying right. Well done us.'

There's a gap in the market I feel....

I sort of want to get him a little gift that shows him that I love him but more importantly says that I am appreciative of his efforts to make things right, even if it hasn't always been easy. But I'm a bit lost as to what. Any ideas or thoughts on how you would get through this? Or how you'd mark the occasion?

(And please don't tell me I'm a fool for taking him back. It is possible to rebuild a marriage after an affair. We are doing it, but it's not always easy)

PTF, just to say what an inspiration you are, how dignified and strong, you are a credit to the female gender.

I wouldnt have even thought to say to you that you shouldnt have taken your DH back, because it is your relationship and your decision together with the, probably many hours of, conversations with your DH about the whole situation.

In terms of your upcoming anniversary, if it were me I would get one of those lovely cards like a National Trust or similar with a beautiful photo of scenery, something from nature, completely off the topic of human relationships, which speaks more about the world that is out there. The words you would be able to write would be yours alone, meaningful and personal to you and DH, ie nothing manufactured by a greetings card company, no Happy Anniversary etc.

Maybe that could come in a future year, the time is not right this year....

Wishing you lots of happiness going forward x

Thank you Daisy. I have come to the conclusion that a blank card with my own message (which in itself will be hard to find the right words) is the best way forward.

I think some words and feelings you expressed in your OP say it very well PTF!

Shouldn't he be the one making the big effort to erase the memory of the fake anniversary? If he goes to Moonpig.com he could send you a fully personalised card saying 'After my miserable behaviour last year I'm bloody lucky you're still here giving me another chance'

Cognito, I think he will make an effort. But I think he is slightly lost as to how to deal with it i.e. by 'celebrating' our anniversary, will he be reminding me of last year. I think he is nervous about doing/saying the wrong thing. But we are speaking about it so that the day doesn't roll around and end in tears.

I am glad that things are going ok for you, I remember your thread. It is a difficult issue. It is very good that you are talking about it. Can you talk to him about not giving him a card because you don't feel comfortable with it yet?

Otherwise, the suggestion of a blank card that you can write your own words in sounds the best solution.