grandparents

[littlegreenlight1]

I'll try not to make this long, I know what other grandparents are like but just wanted to know if any are like my parents are.
When dd was born 17 years ago she was the light of their lives, my mum paraded her around whenever she could ( though looking back I think it's because she was only 45 and people presumed dd was hers and she delighted in then telling them she was grandma).
As time went on, they gained two more from me, and two from my sister.
They've done the odd bit of babysitting, though mostly for my sister, but if we've ever asked we're made to feel bad and we don't ask because they do nothing with them.
I asked them if my ds 8 could stay earlier while I had a run, and he said he was hungry, so I said ask for something. When I returned an hour later, he was still reading his book, still hungry.
They live abroad mostly so it's not like they ever see them anyway, when I suggested they come to a farm with my ds and niece tomorrow they actually laughed out loud and said "why do you think we live abroad?".
They're not bad people, they Skype and speak to the kids very occasionally but I just find it sad they're not really interested in the kids.
I have no choice but to ask them to have ds8 on Friday for 4 hours and mum asked if he'd have his console as "what on earth would I do with him?" Err go to a park, take him for a hot chocolate (we all laugh at what an old man he is and how this is his fave thing to do).... Surely it's not that hard.
They would never ever ever dream of asking to see the kids or to take them out.
I don't get on with my ex in-laws at all but they are the most wonderful grandparenty people and the kids get so excited about going.
My folks just aren't that kind of people I guess.... Like I say they are hardly toxic out evil, they just live their lives quite rightly but don't take much interest in their grandkids.
Just pondering really. Ds 8 has finished his entire captain underpants book since arriving just after 3!

Mine are like yours. Well, I've been NC with my mum for most of my kids' lives, but my dad is like your parents. Lives abroad. See him once, twice a year. Occasionally asks after ONE of my children and then says "See? See how grandfatherly I'm being?" like he deserves a medal.

He hates my other child, just for being a boy. My son is 4, and sweet-hearted, and bright, and funny, and lovely, and adores my dad, who hates him. When my dad asks after my daughter on the phone, he then leaves a long silence just to remind me he isn't interested in my son. Or say "I'm very much looking forward to seeing DD." When he does bring himself to mention my son, he won't use his name, but airily calls him "What's-his-face."

He was in the country this week and did his usual routine on the phone of sighing and sounding weary at the thought of seeing us, asked after DD, wouldn't mention DS, and on the day I was supposed to go and met him, I cancelled and turned my phone off for several days. I've had enough.

(My dad loves his stepdaughter's kids, though. His house is like a shrine to them.)

You aren't alone. I'm sorry you know how crap it is.

Go and meet him, not go and met him. Crap typing, sorry.

I guess they have their own life, quite removed from spending time with young people and have no idea or interest in finding out what young people are in to. I guess this is just how they are but it might be worth getting your DS to suggest an idea to them of what he would really like to do. It's unlikely that they will change now, or that they even want to. Although your son will probably be bored on Friday whilst with them it's probably far better than having to pay for child minding. Some grown ups just ain't into kids, not even their own grandchildren. They have built a brick wall around themselves which basically excludes young children. It's a great shame as having happy times with young people is a real joy and keeps us young at heart.

Dd's father's parents were hands-off. My parents were hands-on. So my parents got to enjoy her growing up.