We rent and the tenancy agreement is in my name only (he 'couldn't' take the time off work to come and sign the agreement or even find a house), and I am almost at breaking point with h.
I have posted previously on his pa stance to me going out and having a social life, but things have slowly been stacking up for me and now I realise that I doubt if he even loves me or ever loved me.
We have dc, the eldest is 16 almost 17 and he really needs to know that this is not how relationships should be.
I rarely if ever have friends over as if he comes home and they are there, I will get the silent treatment and then accused of doing nothing all day and being lazy. (I work almost full time, 5 days a week, office 9-3 then home to work from laptop but to be there for dc when home from school), regardless of what has or has not been done. He will only see what hasn't been done.
Currently he has an abscess and requires dental treatment, but when we moved he didn't register with the gp or the dentist and I couldn't do it for him, I even filled out the forms and aid all he needed to do was sign and take to the surgeries, both within 10 minute walk from the house. Cut to a couple of years later and its my fault he never registered. I called my surgeries to see if they would fit him in, both gp and dentist would accept him as new patient but couldn't offer emergency treatment. Given 111 to ring after 5.30 so that he can access emergency after hours clinics, told him he had to ring himself as they had o ask him questions and book him in, he hung up on me!
I'm dreading him coming home now, I know he will be in a foul mood, a because he is in pain and b because he thinks im out to sabotage things or him. Similar situations in the past, ended up shouting match and him calling me a liar and saying that I wouldn't drive him to a/b so he couldn't get there, people can't understand his accent down here, (hes northern and we live in the south east) so no point him calling.
He won't even call for a pizza that's how hard work he is. He acts like the doting father but in reality he doesn't do anything, we have 'pocket' money, basically the money left over after bills/food shopping and any savings I split in half, well his money goes entirely on him, but mine has to buy all the dc clothing, uniforms, shoes, birthday/xmas presents. He spends his on fishing and whatever else he wants, he never pays for meals out or days out out of his pocket, if we are out and he offers the dc an ice cream he will then hold his hand out for cash from me!
He does earn more than me, but then I'm the one that has to be around for the dc. If they are ill he will never take time off to look after them, or wouldn't take them to the gp etc.
the other added complication and probably why I have stuck it out for so long is that we work for the same company. My dads business! How is that going to wok, I can almost guarantee that he will leave immediately and leave people in the lurch, also meaning that he won't pay for the dc. We/I barely have any money left now. I'll never be able to cope financially without any support from him. I earn too much to qualify for anything like tax credits or housing benefit, but at the same time on my salary by the time I paid rent/bills/food etc I will be using more than my salary each month. I already live in the cheapest house available (but with a lovely landlady who maintains the house properly and after having had dodgy landlords in the past I really don't want to move plus couldn't afford the expense of moving) and shop at aldi. Yes I can cut back on clothes shopping and paid for days out, but those are infrequent anyway.
If you made it this far, thank you. Any advice gratefully received.