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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

partner has asked for a break im devastated

29 replies

michele69 · 27/05/2014 15:35

My long distance partner of 15 months has asked for a break whilst my divorce is finalised. He has been patient, kind, and understanding throughout even when i suddenly had a panic and thought i still had feelings for my husband. When we did meet i found it hard to show my feelings .. This was possibly mixture of guilt as still not divorced and awkwardness as was months between meets. He has been badly hurt in the past and i think he is trying to protect himself im sure he thinks me and husband going to get back together but he couldnt be more wrong . Ive been counting days til divorce so that i can finally be his and take our relatipnship forward .. Hes convinced ive been using him as an emotional crutch and dont love him as he does me. One of last things he said 3 days agp was i know how i feel about you but not sure how i feel about us .. Im devestated and scared this is the begining of the end i love him with all my heart did all the begging needy calls and text but not interested atm keeps telling to sort out divorce. Scared to do the no contact thing as it will be out of character and hell think im bk witj my husband .. How can i prove its him i want?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 27/05/2014 18:13

Michele, it does sound like you are churned up and in turmoil having to finalise your divorce, whilst having the additional worry and doubt as to whether you can 'hold it all together' emotionally and keep your relationship with your DP on-track. When you're already on your knees emotionally, staying cool calm and collected isn't easy....

A dear friend of mine has been going through exactly the same thing so it is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. The happy news is that the divorce is finalised and he and his partner are reunited - he chose the "be patient, take a big deep breathe and don't panic" route - it felt horrendous as he felt he was letting her go, but it did clear the air and they saw the wood for the trees. The pressure over the extended 2 year divorce took its toll, but it was resolved with time.

As several PPs have said, if I were you, the best way of showing your DP that you "mean business" and are committed, is to back off, not entirely, but just try not to overwhelm him with the emotional bit. Come on here and off-load if it helps - but maybe keep your intense feelings for a future time.

Maybe if you speak with him before you meet up next, why not suggest you both have a "rain-check" on the emotional intensity, meet for a drink have a general catch up and keep things light, positive and chatty - maybe ask about his DD, work etc etc. Let him make a move regarding the next meeting, keep it open for now rather than cornering him into getting together before he feels ready.

Helpys Please let the numbers in your name refer to a saucy practice, not your age Maybe try using the 'preview' before posting such a vile remark ....?

FantasticButtocks · 27/05/2014 18:28

Perhaps you should send him a message to cancel the meet-up. You could say something along the lines of: if you want space while I finalise my divorce, I respect that, so no need for meet up if you'd prefer not to. I am on the case and it should take three weeks. Feel free to be in touch with me if you want to, but I will leave you alone as you have asked, and I will let you know as soon as divorce is done.

Helpys · 27/05/2014 19:45

daisy I didn't think it was a vile remark- I was hoping that the poster was young as that would excuse it a bit.
And I was thinking born in 69- 45 rather than 69 years old now- would that make a difference? Confused

Cabrinha · 27/05/2014 21:01

Well, you certainly sound desperate, and also not clear yourself. As someone else said, it'd be game over for me if my boyfriend even thought about getting back with his ex.

But... Tbh, I'm not too keen on him either. Hurt in the past, wanting space, and especially the patronising "I'm sure about my feelings for you, but not yours for us" stuff... Frankly, he sounds like a drama queen too.

Has this got a future? It's long distance, you're meeting infrequently enough to feel awkward all over again... It all sounds like it just be too much hard work all round.

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