This is my second ever post on here and I'm getting the hang of it. Here is my previous post to give you all a bit of background..
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2076076-Wont-let-me-see-bank-statements-as-theyre-his
I have decided to leave and am now in the turmoil of feeling deceitful and scheming. I yo-yo between having a nice day together as a family and feel overwhelming guilt, imagining the wide eyed shock of DH returning to an empty home with what will seem like no warning whatsoever (we all know it was coming but people who act like this just don't see what they're doing to us) and having a bad day with more of his spending discovered and having to feel grateful that he's bought me and the kids something. These are easier to bear as at least I'm reminded of why I'm leaving. I then suffer from 'bowling ball in the belly' feeling that I'm angry and can't say anything and can't imagine staying one minute longer.
The dilemma I'm in now is how to exit? By all accounts I should not talk to him about this and to be honest I feel like a coward as I don't want to. More because I don't want to give him the chance to talk me out of it and drag this out for another 6 months.
So far, I've contacted Women's Aid who have been great, I've also spoken to a solicitor who has advised on occupation orders and how to gain access to a property I've vacated (name not on the mortgage - married for 2 years). I've also arranged temporary accommodation with a friend who will also enlist the troups to rally around me on a given day when we might have time to remove those items which are 'mine'. In the meantime, I've been advised to sneak things out of the house - clothes, albums, kids toys etc. I must be acting differently or more defiantly as he's begun to ask more questions and if I'm out on a normal day he's turned up just to see me or ask me something. He's also checking on suitcases, bags etc and using some sort of excuse for this - need to take things to charity shop etc. (I'm quite happy to use bin liners if need be). Another friend has offered her garage with a key for any time I'd like to deposit things into it - or indeed buy the odd second hand item whenever I see a bargain, beds, wardrobes etc. I also worry he'll turn up banging on their doors or accuse them of theft if they have anything he doesn't agree to me taking. There'll definitely be one or two items which he has 3 of eg. TV, DVD player etc.
I've also applied for a council house and need to send off ID to activate my application - not an easy task when my name is on nothing! I'm terrified that something might be posted to the house in my absence although I put my friends address as the current (and my current address as my previous address). I also asked for communication via email. I have a relative who should be able to cover a deposit and a month's rent as and when I need it - she'll also probably act as guarantor for me too.
I feel now like his guard is up and I'm going to struggle to move anything without alerting him.
I need ideas for squirreling money away (I already buy the cheapest of everything so no joy there) and have a separate account I can use. I need to know how long child maintenance and tax credits can take to come through - I know benefits can be a long wait. I worry that I'll move into a new house and only be able to afford to pay one month of rent and then be chucked out.
Have any of you thought 'stuff it' when you've gotten to the end of your tether and just walked? What happened? How difficult was it to get back into the house and take yours and the children's belongings? I'm worried that more of the bad days is going to mean I can't stick living like this for another two or three months without doing myself harm with the stress I'm hiding. I constantly feel like I'm standing on the ledge of a high building as my heart is beating so quickly.