"You're looking for the Mills and Boon ending and it doesn't exist"

[akaWisey]

So I'm getting quite experienced at OD and I've noticed what seems to be a pattern with certain chaps. I'm coming from an "I want a relationship' stance but I'm not looking for marriage or a live-in thing and I'm not desperate either. Having said that I don't want my former husband to be the last man I ever love since that would be a tragedy .

Anyone else had this said (or words to that effect)? I take it to mean they themselves want casual, no strings, easy come easy go arrangements and at first it floored me. Now it pisses me off. Of course it's never said pre-meeting up.

Surely I can't be alone in thinking that women and men, no matter how jaded they might be by their past experiences, CAN find someone else whom they can have an adult, intimate, loving, mutually respectful and monogamous relationship with?

Totally get where you are coming from.

I've been OD on & off for about 6 yrs & have found that men's expectations of a woman are too high & that so many of them get a huge kick out of playing!!

I think the OD world would be much better if men were honest.. Say what that think rather than what they think will get a woman into bed or what they think a woman wants to hear!!

I know there are plenty of women that too are not so honest but I've no experience of that so can't comment.

I just hope there is a 40 something man out there who I find physically attractive & who is nice, caring & funny, who feels the same about me & who wants to date with a view to a future together at some point.. Seems to much to ask when your OD!!

So many use OD as a pick-up joint that I think you have to start from the basis that most aren't in it for a relationship. I get the same feeling about meeting people in bars.... too superficial and transient. Personally, I prefer places where I meet men who have similar interests to me already & who I can get to know a little before I decide if I want to date

Ugh, really?

My reply would be "No, I'm just not looking for a quick fuck with a stranger. If you are, I suggest you jog on!"

Really burns me the way some men, particularly in OD, resort to put-downs when they don't get the response they want.

Like my family member whose OD spent their first meeting regaling her with stories of a sex show he and "the lads" had attended in Spain the previous summer (the guy was in his fifties ffs!). When she was visibly unimpressed and wanted to cut the evening short, the charmer said "You know your problem? You're too picky, that's why you're alone."

My faith in humanity plummets a few notches hearing stuff like that.

Lots of GF used to say that to me, but now they all want it themselves ! Just because one person has not worked on themselves, does not mean that the fate for the rest of us should be the same either.

As with anything, it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt I think. I have used OD too, and yes, I have met a few here and there, and has become that bit jaded, but then it has been a growing experience for myself too personally so... As it is with my ex as well. The medium itself is not great, but there are indeed nice people there, and it does take two to tango. i.e. if you stand firm and be who you are, there is nothing left for the other person but to respect who you are, and either give it a go and be open-minded or not.

I am glad I met my ex. I am also glad, and was surprised that I have met a few nice guys, but at the time that I met them, I truly was not in the right frame of mind if I am fair to them. OD can be a mindfield, yes it can. Not putting any expectation on it should be the way to go.

It took me a while before I realised it was a put-down. Now of course I'm ready for it and come right back with a sharp reply said with a MN head tilt.

The only place outside of OD and meeting in a bar (which I don't do as a rule, I'm too bloody old) where there are more men than women are scuba diving clubs . Not keen. Not keen at all!

Well anyone who says that to you is not capable of providing the ending you seek because they see no value in it. No matter where you meet a man you'll find so many of them are a wrong fit and there are a lot of cynics in the world.

I work at a job with no men, I am a single Mum, I live pretty far from family who could babysit, I don't go to pubs, I don't have time in my life to go to the gym or pursue art classes. I'm not sure where else you would meet someone except for online. Certainly you'd have to wait a fair while in my position to come across any man at all - much less one I wanted to date.

I experienced all sorts akaWisey in the brief time I have been trying it out. I personally get the opposite problem. People desperate for very quick commitment or true love without there being any realistic basis for it. Perhaps it's because in my geographic location there's an excess of men versus women in my age bracket.

I just think it's quite hard to meet someone you have a nice relationship with that ticks all the boxes regardless of how / when you meet them.

I don't know, I said 'romance is dead' on my date last weekend and got called cynical. Apparently he is/was looking for true love and believes in The One. I wonder whether he realises how many men trot this out when they are just looking to get their leg over. Perhaps I am cynical. Hmph.

Well i've just seen the worst and most offensive profile on POF -

man in mask in what looks like army gear holding a rifle toward the camera. Headline "Come and get me my beauties".

His written bit says:

Women are the enemy
Women are the enemy
Women are the enemy

That's all you need to know about me.

Where it says First Date he's written: You'll be lucky.

Fucking, fucking hell. Scary.

Wow, he sounds like a keeper .

I don't think you are asking too much. I've been honest with the bloke I'm seeing and said that I'm not looking for marriage and kids, although i would marry if it felt right. We had a blip a couple of weeks ago and during an honest talk i told him that I want to meet somebody to share my life with forever, and he said he wants the same. that may not be each other, time will tell

There are men out there who want a proper relationship but its weeding them out of all the serial daters that's the problem :(