Making someone LTB. Give me some tips please

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A good friend has been in 3 abusive relationships (current being the third)

They just seem to sneak up on her. The blokes seem like ordinary guys and hold down good/average jobs, have lots of friends and seem really sociable. The relationship becomes abusive and she always hides it, compensates etc

I do find myself wondering if she almost allows or encourages it because in a relationship she changes into a different person instead of the funny confident person she is.

You've got the measure of it in the last sentence. The reason for her predicament is complex. She's unlucky in her choices of men to begin with and a combination of low self-esteem and intimidation by these bullying partners means she sticks with the bad choice rather than ditching them after the first whiff of fuckwittery the way someone else might.

That said, you do not necessarily have to be civil to the current wanker. You need to keep him in your sights. It's important for your friend that he knows she has friends IYKWIM. Bullies are cowards and will try to isolate their victim from anyone who can offer support. So, whatever happens, maintain your friendship.

With your friend, I think you are allowed to say that you don't like the way he treats her... but on a very selective basis. No point adding more browbeating to an already downtrodden person but important that they know you see what's going on and that you believe them.

Thank you Cognito. Much as I thought. It's so hard to witness

would she consider the Freedom Programme - you can do it online for free if she isn't willing to go in person.

Thank you. Didn't realise they did it online! She has a MSC which I realise does not make her immune at all or the programme irrelevant ...But I'm just not sure the presentation style will get her trust and respect. I hate being negative but I think her self esteem is so bashed that accessing help needs to be done in a way which respects her as a person?

www.onespace.org.uk/elearning/courses/freedom-programme

there you go - sorry forgot to put the link up. Just tell her that they send you books in the post so she may want to give your address as her own so questions aren't asked at home.

Thank you