I can't cope with this.

[Berryglitter]

I've posted before about the situation with dp. Stupidly we tried to sort things out and I thought he'd sorted his issues. Everything was brilliant, then one silly row on Friday and he's gone.

He says he loves me and always will but doesn't want this anymore. I'm so low, I don't think I can carry on. I've been a useless mum today. Just layed on the sofa. Ds has now gone to his dad's and I'm a mess.

I can't cope with this, I want my life back. I don't want to be here anymore. I just needed to get this out.

Berry, you can leave Al Anon for when you're feeling better. Perhaps for support later when you're establishing a contact plan for DS and Ex.

Today you're going to feel awful. You just will. That's what happens. You've had a horrible shock, you're upset and feeling awful is unavoidable

Tomorrow you might feel different. Perhaps the urge to leap up and tidy the house will strike you. Perhaps it won't. Maybe packing up his stuff might help with focussing. Maybe it won't.

Some things to think about doing - eat, drink, sleep. Look after yourself. Talk to your friends and family. That might not be much fun, admitting how bad things have got.. but you'll need their support.

It's OK to feel like crap and be miserable. You've been laid low. No one will say to pull yourself together. But please don't let feeling so feeble make you think that the only way to feel better is too take him back. Because he's a scumbag and you and DS are better off without him.

Went to work, which helped. The lady I work with is his dads girlfriend. She said he's just been on a massive bender since we split Friday and hasn't slept. I guess that's all I could expect really.

Going to see a friend a bit later, hopefully she will cheer me up. I feel so strange, like I'm missing something. Xx

He's just called me off a random number screaming at me. I need someone to talk to.

Please, switch your phone off or at least screen all your calls, you really don't need this right now; you say "everything was brilliant" but it really wasn't, he grabbed your throat, this is known to be a very dangerous red flag, he's a drug addict and alcoholic. As you may have seen on here before, with addicts there are the 3 c's :

You didn't cause this
You can't control this
You can't cure this

There is nothing you have or haven't done; this is him. Please stay safe, do you have anyone there for you? Xx

Every ones busy. I felt so positive today after everything.

Have a couple of friends to talk to over Facebook etc but no one i can see in person. I'm so shocked, I wouldn't have answered if I knew it was him. He sounded a complete state. When will I be happy again?

I left because he grabbed me by the throat.

Glad to hear you upped and went. Your DS needs you, this man doesn't. Frankly he sounds dangerous.

Can you have someone with you when he calls to get his stuff tomorrow? Do you have a supportive family?

Your head may feel like cotton wool with all this upset but try and think. If you phone the police on the non-emergency number 101 and report him gripping you by the throat then it is at least logged. That way if you tell them they will respond quickly if called to your address in the near future.

I have reported it and things in the past. In fact I'm meeting them tomorrow for an informal chat type situation. I've asked a male friend of mine to take his stuff to him as he won't put up with any crap and is twice the size of exdp.

I'm trying to be practical about things, went to work, met a friend etc but this has thrown me completely. I have wonderful friends who know him and hate him and are so on my side. Sadly they are all busy this evening.

Berry - up days and down days. He sounds like he has siezed the opportunity to get wasted; anything rather than face up to his failings.

That is not your problem; don't take it on.

Don't talk to his fathers girlfriend - or anyone who does not have your interests at heart.

I'm so angry that all the good feelings I had today have been ruined by his stupid phone call. There was no need for it at all.

Better that you are angry not distressed, good to hear you have rl support.

Yeah the anger has set in. I'm ok, had a little cry in the bath but quickly got over that. Going to settle on the sofa with some rubbish tv and a glass of wine. I've blocked both numbers from today, so hopefully I'll get some peace

Why don't you give al anon a call?
IME it really helps to talk with people who have been through it.
Substance abuse relationships are not like other relationships, the couple can still love each other but simply can't be together because of the addiction.
To some extent the whole family can become ill.

There are meetings to go to where you can be looked after a little bit and hear how others 'recovered' from their relationships, or how they deal with it.

You will be happy again.
You already had a degree of happiness before the phone call...
You'll be better sooner than you think.
It's all part of the process.