Have NC for privacy.
I feel like I have wasted my life. I am 37 and been with my husband for 13 years. We married last year. I am beginning to think we will be the couple that are together for ages then split soon after marriage.
I will try to give the background as facts. He lived with his parents until we bought our house 4 years ago. He has a sporadic work history - spent a lot of time, years, out of work with no real motivation to get a job. Its the reason it took us so long to buy a house. I had lived with an ex partner and aline since i was 17 but moved back to my parents just as i got together with DH due to a split with ex. I planned to save up and rent somewhere. My plans changed to save and but with DH. It took years. Eventually i wa on a decent wage and he was working and we bought our house then married last year. He walked out of his job weeks later due to stress. I wasn't supportive but he did it anyway.
I have long since thought that he has some MH/depression/other issue. He has no friends, he has v.high expectations and standards. He is mildly obsessive. He hoards.
We get on brilliantly when we do get on. But those times seem fewer and further between. When we argue he gets so angry. I am not in danger or scared of him, but there is no reasoning with him. He said this morning 'oh well its obviously just my fault then' when often i think it is just him. He over reacts, he takes things personally, he us suspicious, he goes on and on about things that i wkuldn't even mention.
This morning - I was dropping him off at work. He usually takes himself but got me up to take him. Drove past 3 workmen 'up to no good' we had a bit of conversation about it, then he continued 'ranting' at me about them. I didn't respond after the first few times. This caused an arguement because of 'how i treat him'. He really went for it. Quite nasty. I don't care about the men. They were doing no harm and theres no sign of them now.
We have no children though have been trying. We don't go out as he is socially awkward and doesn't like most people. I go out with friends. Friends don't invite us as a couple, when they have he hasn't gone, even to the point of getting to the house then saying 'i'll just drop you off and go home'
He is constantly critical of everyone particularly my family. He is right in some ways but i don't want or need to hear him complain all the time. They are currently employing him enabling us to pay the mortgage.
I don't know what to do. I have changed. He has changed me. I wish it could be how it is when its goid. When its good i am happ and can cope with the difficult things.y. When its bad i feel like i have wasted my life waiting for him.
I have waited ywars for this house and i love it so much. I probably couldn't manage here alone atm but possibly after our current fixed term expires as we have a high interest rate.
I know i should have dealt with all this sooner. We don't communicate welk and he is scathing of the idea of depression/mh issues. He heard on the radio a discussion about adult men with ASD / asbergers and just took this piss. My heart sank.
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Relationships
Would really appreciate some thoughts/advice
confusion77 · 26/05/2014 11:01
Sorry I keep X posting. This statement really jumped out at me:
He has to want it himself and even then as you say we are unlikely to be happily ever after. Tbh i don't even know where to start with the conversation. 'There's clearly something wrong with you, my parents and your parents agree'. Probably isn't the best starting point.
I come at this from a different viewpoint perhaps to others having lived through this. If someone had said to me, my XH and my parents included, 'your behaviour is bizarre, you don't react normally, your talk of xyz is not normal - do you think you need to seek some professional help?' It would have saved me 20 years of living in hell and I wish someone had staged an intervention much earlier, or at least planted that thought. This didn't happen until now DH gently steered me to the GP after years of being told I was awkward and difficult and irrational.
I don't mean to project, but having that conversation costs you nothing, and your GP can advise you how to go about it. Or maybe his parents can do it if you speak to them. He may have nothing wrong with him, and he's just insanely antisocial and hates people. But just by planting a seed might help. He has to take that step to go get help.
Either way, your relationship is at an end by the sound of things. If you make a plan of action you will feel better and more in control.
Good luck 
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I'm sorry you're in this situation, but absolutely don't have a child with this man, even the hubby's that are fairly ok and helpfull can prove to be total arses when it comes to coping with a baby so your DH is not going to cope well by the sounds of it. Please don't loose hope that you won't have a child, you are only 37 and I'm sure you may feel the clock is running out of time but you still have time. If you left this man now you could meet another man that treats you well (don't marry him) and have a family that you both want, or move back with your parents, work full time and save up to visit a sperm bank.
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