I don't want dp& the dc to come home.

[Jellybellymummyofsix]

Dp & I will be separating in the next week or so, basically as soon as he has somewhere to go.

He booked a family weekend away as a surprise the day I asked him to leave, ( last Wednesday). I didn't go & stayed at home with the baby as she's ebf. Dp went with our 3 older dc. 2 of the dc have ASD.

Dp is so unsupportive. It's what has made me want to separate. It's finally hit me, he's never going to 'get' it. He never has & never will. I can't stay with him as i know he will never change, personally I think he's choosing not to change but he insists, it's not his fault that he can't communicate or support me when I'm struggling with dc.

I've been diagnosed with pnd & I'm on ADS. I told him but he didn't even acknowledge what I said. Our younger ds is being assessed for ASD, dp hasn't commented on it. Our older ds was diagnosed 3 years ago. Dp didn't attend one appointment.

He's ignoring me when I talk about separating & seemed shocked when I asked him exactly when was he moving out.

So Dp & the dc have been away since Friday. I'm dreading them coming back. My stomach is in knots at the prospect of the stress tomorrow. I know dp will be grumpy. The boys will be hyper. Dd has been texting moaning about her dad. Its half term this week, no playscheme or restpite for either of the ds. Hopefully I should be able to get something organised for the summer holidays.

It sounds awful but i hate my life. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I've no social life, not a single friend. No family near by. The only adult I spoke to all weekend was the checkout girl in tesco.

No career. No money. No friends. Broken down relationship...

I really want to leave. I don't want to deal with all of this crap anymore. Dd12 is the reason I stay but I'm deeply unhappy. How do i get on with it & reconcile myself with the hand fate dealt me?

Jellybelly i think you sound like you care about your kids v much and are doing the best you can. Please give yourself a break, a baby & relationship breakdown are a lot to cope with, never mind the demands of three other children.

Bollocks to fly lady - I clean the essentials when Im busy, I even leave the house now and leave breakfast dishes tidying up etc until between 4 and 5. Otherwise I would never get out of the house.

It is early days for AD's but I hope your symptons improve. I really do think you need to search wider and see if there are any charities that can support you more.

Dont worry about your baby and the groups I didnt do much for my second. Remember she has the benefit of being able to interact with her siblings.

The childrens centre sometimes have support type workers based their, is it worth ringing up and asking in case youve missed something?

Anyway OP i think once you get through the next few days with DP and him moving out then you may feel able to focus on other things.

Thanks andsmile it's hard for people in'normal'situation to understand but things like routine & order are imperative in our house...For all our sakes!

It makes people very uncomfortable when they realise how little help is really out there. As I learnt, no one really gives a shit about SN kids. They are costly with little return. Sad fact.

My older ds has a I.Q of 140 but the social & emotional skills of a 3-4 year old. He can hack a I.T system but can't put his own socks on. His OT spent 3 months teaching him to tie his laces...he finally managed it last week.

He's incredibly vulnerable. I'm all he's got. I don't want to& can't do it anymore... There's no one to help me. I've lost all hope it will get better. I feel totally tormented at the moment. It's awful.

Thank for all your suggestions. I know you all mean well but it makes me realise how different i am from normal people.

OP ask for this to be moved to the SN boards? maybe some other parents of SN can relate a bit better? they may have info that can help.

I wish you well OP x

I really do understand your despair at the lack of help. I have been trying to get help ( MH issues) for my DD since she was 8/9. She's now 16 and it took a call to 999 a few months ago to finally get someone to listen to us.

X

OP, I have no experience of what you are going through other than the fact that I have also had periods of depression. Well done for getting help from your GP and please stick with the medication, you often feel worse before you feel better. It won't wave a magic wand to make your situation better, but it will help you cope with your situation better.
My heart goes out to you.
Keep talking to us.