Getting intimacy back (TMI thread)

[BlowLifeInMe]

It just occurred to me that we have not had intercourse for nearly 2 years, when I had the coil removed for health reasons. I asked my husband to buy condoms, and I am still waiting.

Sex has not been top priority as life has been tough the last few years, and we rarely go to bed at the same time, I go to bed earlier than him. He needs to catch up on emails before coming to bed. We have sex (oral) maybe once a month, but I dont think we have had even that since Christmas. We are so tired.

What can I do? I really dont want to go and buy condoms myself, I could easily do that when I was in my 20s, but not when I am in my 40s.

There comes a point, a few years down the line that oral just wont do, and I feel that I need "fulfillment".

I cant take the pill, I dont want to put the coil back in. I dont want either of us to do anything medical. Should I just wait for menopause?

Could you place an online order for condoms? That would solve the embarrassment factor.

I think you need to have a chat with your husband about your sexual wants and needs - honesty and openness is key here. I personally could't do without sex - be it oral or penetration but that is just the relationship I have with my OH. We enjoy the intimate part of our relationship and it is quite important.

There are lots of websites that sell condoms online and post them in discreet packaging so you don't have to worry about feeling awkward when buying them yourself.

Why don't you look on websites like love honey for some things that could put the spark back into your sex life? Something new and different can sometimes make things more exciting. It's also about putting time aside regularly for each other, which you could maybe talk to your husband about.

Is the problem that he doesn't want to use condoms? TBH I've never used anything else, they are a PITA but personally prefer it to other methods of contraception. I have read a lot about men who refuse them though - is that the issue here? Although I would've thought sex with condoms would be preferable to no sex for him

No need to be embarrassed buying condoms - but yes you could do it online, I know amazon sell them.

Can you not talk to him? Maybe suggest that once a week you have an agreed 'early night' with no emails etc - no pressure for sex, just snuggling up together.

I do know how you feel as our sex life has really suffered too, it is pretty infrequent and it makes me sad. I am trying to be more upfront about it.

Can you get him to check emails earlier in the evening? Do you think it's genuine or is it more that it's an excuse to stay up later than you?

He should want to work on this too.

Perhaps your husband feels the same way about buying condoms? There are so many ways round this that I think there must be more to it?

Ann summers sell them, buy lingerie too to put some excitement into it
Online shopping
Self service
Simply mix it in the trolley and go to the checkout person that looks least likely to care

Thanks for suggestions, and thanks for the suggestion of the website. I have ordered condoms, and some other things which might help.

I am hoping that it is just a question of actually owning condoms, and that things will sort it self out.

It is true that we need to talk about it, and go to bed together. Not sure how we just let this drift!

If he complains about using condoms try a company called theyfit. They are fantastic with made to measure condoms! My DP hated sex using cons until I bought from this site.

I bought really thin Skin ones, if this does not work, will bear the other ones in mind.

for goodness sake, throw some condoms into your trolley at the supermarket, or order online from lovehoney or somewhere. ah, just seen you've ordered online. i wouldn't go too far along the dressing up line unless he's shown an interest in that.

Not going to be dressing up!

That's good. Maintain your dignity!

Nothing wrong with dressing up...

Hope it works for you