Ive decided to go no contact with my sister. . but how?

[TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain]

I wont go into the whys and wherefores but after years pf toxic behaviour, she has done something to affect my son.

Its the last straw for me and I will be quietly going no contact with her but how does it work? My dads not well, how do I cope when he is in hospital and have to visit? Christmas dinner? Visits home?

how do people do it?

I suppose the only way is to make sure that the other person isn't going to be there. You'll have to skip Christmas dinner, visiting home, visiting dad.....etc, maybe tell your sister you don't want to come into contact with her anymore and that you'd appreciate it if you could take it in turns visiting for Christmas dinner....etc. Her one year, you then next. Otherwise be prepared to be the one that doesn't attend all of these things.

My brother went nc with me, however as his wife and children didn't it hasn't exactly worked out for him!!
I said from the beginning that I wasn't going to change anything I did or where I went so if he didn't want to see me he would have to be the one to make other arrangements. I went to collect his children for a sleepover recently ( asked by SIL) and I said had she told him I was coming and she said she had but he would probably be there.
He was but spent a lot of time " on the phone"
I haven't done anything wrong ( but I would say that wouldn't i?) but unfortunately if you are the one deciding to go nc then you will probably be the one to miss out on family events unless the rest of the family is prepared to help you.

I guess you just wing it really. Day to day?

Tbh if someone in my family went nc and put it that way to the entire family I'd think them the idiot. Talking is better. You will likely find nobody will assist to accommodate and you will now be the one who has to bend over backwards to keep in contact with those you want to. So, you lose the high ground, make life hard for yourself and others and end up sounding like a petulant child regardless of whether you actually had a reason or not.

Dunno if it's really worth the effort.

If you just distance a bit it might have the result you prefer with less drama. Unless it's really drama you're after?

I am icily polite to my sister and interact the least I can get away with.

My parents and other babysitters have always had it made clear if my child is left with her they will also have minimal contact and never unsupervised as I would never trust them again.

Trust me its not drama I am after. There is no announcing I am doing this or anything.

My sister is toxic. This isn't an argument about a borrowed top or anything. She has done vile things to all of us. Causes drama, then screams and shouts you down until we acquiesce for a quiet life.

I won't visit this on my child.

But why do you need to never bump into her again? What is the harm in her arriving at the hospital when you are visiting him?

I am icily polite to my sister and interact the least I can get away with.
^^this
How far apart do you live? How old is your son? Does she have dh/dc?

Do not make an announcement, it is just too...throwing the toys out kind of thing (even not knowing the circumstances).

Play the long game and keep your dignity. Taper off gradually, your schedule is full so it is hard to make plans (and have a boundary that you don't make plans that far in advance).

Conversations kept to a minimum. Be boring, one word answers. Ear buds!

Do not let her have unsupervised access. Debrief your son after any contact to say (age appropriate) "what aunt said was not quite right, was it?"

I am no contact with my sister. She is a single/ no children executive professional and things developed, over time and many gifts, to where she wanted my kids to come to her first. It got to the point where I said I needed a break from our relationship...like just asking for some space. So there was an implication that things could reconnect in the future. Only I did not miss her, at all, so I tapered off to complete radio silence.

It is hard. But you can emotionally disconnect long before the physical disconnection becomes operational.

X-post
When you bump into her, be civil if you have to speak to her. Say hello and good bye. It is ok to politely decline any requests/demands/commands she makes. The minute she starts being rude, speak with your feet and leave.

I hope your dad gets well soon.

Because lorne she will scream and shout at the hospital and it will upset my dad and I will be guilted into making up with her.

She only sees my kids when im in my mother's or she comes to the house looking for money.

I could go on other days to my mother's I suppose. We aren't close. But her personality is such that she is in everything. I won't expect her to stay away from family.I Will need to be the one who changes the routine for me.

Yes, when she starts the drama clinic, look at her with wide eyes, shake your head slightly, and back slowly away as if she were an alien from another planet.

If you are stuck and can not escape her presence, hold your hand up and say, "speak to the hand" (because no other part of me will be listening). And then do not listen to her. It isn't rude if you need to do it for self defense.

You are right in that she won't change, so it is up to you. It helps that you are not "close". Boundaries, across the board.

If/when your parents notice and say something...just say you are not putting up with it anymore. The fact that she is your sister is irrelevant. That fact, of accidentally being born to the same parents, does not give her carte blanch to emotionally/mentally abuse you. And you certainly are not going to let your son be abused by her or allow him to see you be abused by her. You have absolutely no need to feel guilty. You are creating a boundary(s) because of her behavior to protect yourself.