He told me he cheated...

[Daisy999]

My OH and I have been through a rough few months, his anxiety and depression have caused him to withdraw into himself and he kept telling me he didn't deserve me, would let me down and wasn't able to deal with the relationship.
I gave him love, support and patience. I was there for him when he wanted me and gave him space when he didn't. I didn't react badly when he cancelled dates at the last minute and constantly reassured him we could get through this bad patch together, that I loved him for what he was and could deal with the anxiety he suffers. I encouraged him to see his doctor and I was completely on his side.
He's now told me he slept with someone else on Friday. He said he doesn't know why. I'm devastated. He wouldn't even hold my hand recently but I didn't push it. I don't know if he actually did, or if he's just saying that so I end things. Either way I feel destroyed - I know I might have been too much, but honestly, I didn't push anything at all, I just wanted him to know I was there for him and that I loved him. He's made it very clear he wants no contact with me anymore and I just don't know what to do. I loved him so much - when things were good we spoke about a future together, all our children got on well and that's all been torn apart.
I just can't see a way to pick myself up and carry on

Golly Daisy, that is a really shit thing to happen.

It may not feel it right now, but he doesn't seem all that and a bag go chips. He has rejected you and seems to have built a strong barrier to prevent any return.

It will get better, but I feel your future is not with this man.

Good luck.

I feel you may have had a lucky escape. You sound lovely and patient and you deserve better .

Cancelled dates, withdraws into himself because of his 'anxiety and depression', slept with someone else, refused to hold your hand, doesn't want any contact with you,

You on the other hand gave him 'love, support and patience' were 'there for him' when he wanted you, 'gave him space', 'constantly reassured him' and were 'completely on his side'.

Doesn't sound like a relationship to me. Sounds like one person YOU doing all the giving and one person HIM doing all the taking.

I'm sorry to be harsh but he sounds like a complete and utter waste of space. 'Anxiety and depression' is no excuse for behaving like a total knob. What about your feelings in all this? What about you - you sound depressed, you sound anxious, you describe yourself as being unable to pick yourself up and carry on.

All as a result of this 'relationship' with this self-indulgent selfish man. it's all about him and his feelings and his emotional 'ailments' for want of a better word. Time to take off the rose-tinted glasses and instead of focussing on when things were good, look instead on all the shit he brought to the table. This wasn't a relationship. It was you doing all you could to make it into one, but to have a relationship you need two people in it, and he was never there.

He was right about one thing. He doesn't deserve you. In time you'll come to see that.

Hiya, so sorry to hear it.

I think it will boil down to the fact that he isn't in the right place for a relationship. Right now. And you are. Relationships need timing and chemistry and the timing isn't there with this man.

Take care x

I think you're going to have to take him on face value now, stop making allowances, leave him be completely and start prioritising yourself and your DCs. It's very sad but your self-respect & your confidence will only recover if you stop flogging this dead horse and walk away. Do you have RL friends you can be with for support?

Thanks everyone. What you're saying makes sense, but it just hurts so much. I can't understand how he could do this to me. I can't bear the thought of him touching her and kissing her. I feel absolutely broken that I wasn't enough. I had hopes and dreams with this man and now they are shattered.
I have RL friends but they are, without exception, married happily and I feel such a failure. They know of my situation but I underplay how bad I feel because I don't want to be pitied.

He failed, not you.

Don't blame yourself, sounds like he had his head turned by someone else in a 'Grass in greener' type way.

Think of it as a lucky escape. we're only here for a short time, find someone who actually deserves you.

:)

You can do better than this loser good luck sweetheart

It doesn't feel like it now, but you have had one major lucky escape.

He's an unfaithful, drama queen flake. You're lucky to have found out before wasting any more time on him - really.

Sorry for your hurt though.