People just aren't interested

[winkywinkola]

Okay so this is a bit poor me. I feel a bit poor me!

All my life, I've never really had more than one or two friends. People just generally aren't interested in me.

Other mums at the school gate are friendly enough but I can see them scanning other people to go and talk to ASAP. They make their excuses and leave our conversation at the earliest opportunity. It's embarrassing for me.

We laugh and joke when in conversation but it's never enough really. They scoot away as soon as possible.

It really bothers me because it's so noticeable. I've not really thought about it before.
I've also been wendied by someone who would continually use me for child care so that doesn't help much. She snubs me often.

I forged new contacts and new conversations but I don't know how far the wendy has influence.

It's all so lame and feeble isn't it? As a sahm I feel so isolated. I started my own little business (just pin money really)direct selling cosmetics. It doesn't help.

I'm starting a beauty therapy course in September with a view to running my business that I can work around the dcs. But I just think I will repel people like I do at the school gate.

So poor poor poor me, I know. But it does upset me.

Oh honey. I think you should feel relieved that you aren't of interest to them, as they don't sound very nice.

I hate the school run: I find ten minutes of smalltalk, dominated by loud voices, a complete pain in the arse that I can do without. Some people seem to thrive on it.

Once you have your beauty business, remember it won't be like the school run. People will be coming to you and only you because you have something you can do for them. They won't be looking to you to be an extravert with lots of news/drama/energy, they'll be looking to you to be calm and kind and capable, and to help them to look or feel better. I'd far rather have a beauty therapist like you than a Wendy.

Very similar situation here. I moved a year ago and to this day not a Single* person in dd's class has spoken A single word to me. I've attempted to start conversations, tried smiling and generally looking friendly, and invited a whole bunch of them to dd's party. Nada in return, have given up. Then made friends with someone who lives near me whose kids go to the same school, really hit it off, then exactly the same things as you described winky, happened. Snubbed in the playground, looking around for escape. Seriously began questioning every personality trait I have
However, have since met some really lovely genuine people since ds started school, and started a wonderful new job, so school runs are less of a nightmare.
I know how this feels anyway, and it is horrid. Really horrid. So keep your head up in the playground and don't go near horrid people, especially not your Wendy. You sound like you're doing a really positive thing, so focus on that for now. I'm learning some people really do just like a power trip and to make others feel just like you do and you're better than that sweetheart.

Well they all seem to get along very well with each other so they can't all be dreadful people.

It's also a matter of respect as well. I mean, just to be so blatant in the way it happens just makes me think there must be something really unappealing about me.

Ah well.

Well they all seem to get along very well with each other so they can't all be dreadful people.

Er. There is no logic in this at all. Just means they are similarly awful.

I would take delight in sidling up to people and seeing how quickly they tried to get away, make a game of it! There's no reason to suppose the same will happen with your beauty business.

They may be scooting off to established friendships to chat?

I sometimes scoot if I don't have much to say.

Look around...who else is standing on their own?
Talk to them.

Work the playground.
Make it your mission to know everybody's name.

It's not really a matter of respect.
People can talk to who they like.

Lighten up.

Dont bother will school gate mums.

Selling cosmetics would repel me.

I have not been in touch with my friend since he suggested giving me a full body massage, he needs 20 different people to practice on for his massage course. These kinds of things repel people. My cleaner wanted to do my eyelashes. I declined politely. I dont want anybody i know involved in my skin, and beauty regime.

Gawd, I sound like Yoda "Dont bother will school gate mums"

it was supposed to be with, not will, but I can see that I sound wiser like Yoda!!

Poor you.

How about volunteering? Someone said in a previous thread that people who generally volunteer are pretty nice people. We have a charity shop in our village and there are loads of volunteers. They are all very nice and generally seem to have a good laugh.

Good luck with your course.

I wouldn't be asking people to practise on people I know, Quint. Although most of the mums at school would jump at the chance of freebies.

I was going to say what Tribpot said.

If people are scanning the crowd for the earliest excuse to slope off, this doesn't mean you repel them. It means they lack manners.

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - Steven Winterburn

But all of them lack manners?

All through school and work too?

Without sounding too rude have you tried asking those close to you for honest opinions about you?

I'm not saying you need to change etc but maybe there is something. It would be nice if folk weren't so judgey but that's how it goes.

Fwiw I rarely make conversation at the school. I think it's so over rated and I've read too many stories online about the dark side of it!

Yes I have. Well the two people who I'm friends with. Naturally they say I'm fine. It's not me. It's them. Well since it's been all my life then the world must be full of assholes.

I'm not convinced.

It's a confidence trick. People are attracted to those who are happy in themselves. Unfortunately, you've become caught in a downward spiral and are giving far too much headspace to 'why don't people like me'. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
Ds is in reception in our small town. I know some parents from years ago, some not at all, some I've met since he started. Some days, some of them blank me, some days we have long chats. You have to force yourself to think 'it's not me, it's you'. They can smell confidence, and will gravitate towards you as soon as you've decided you don't need them.

Well I scan a lot when I am talking to people in the playground. Mostly because i'm only there for a couple of drop offs and pick ups a week and I need to speak to various other mums to arrange something for the dc's or to ask them something or to say hi to people I haven't seen for ages. I do always try and say hi to new parents who are standing alone, but I think if you have a couple of kids at the school then you're often busy chatting to more than one person.
Used to hate the school run when first dc started there. I found getting into the PTA a good way of getting to know everyone as then you'd be going round flogging tickets to things and get to know people and they'd find out your name and be more inclined to chat.

Breathe, smile, stand tall, be approachable. Even if it's just an act the mere act of doing it will automatically make you feel better. Just try it.

I do all that kind of approachable stuff. I think it's genuinely that people don't see the worth in talking to me. Seriously. That sounds self pitying but they often look a wee bit contemptuous or are condescending.

Never mind.

No, honestly, they are picking up your vibe. You need to work on your self worth. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with you, but you are giving the impression that you think there is. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and they are liked in spite or because of them. There's no need for you to be any different. Have a look at different counselling / courses in your area. Speak to your dr. You get one life, don't let this affect yours.