Pregnant again, f**k

[rb32]

So we've already got three kids. We don't want any more as we're almost getting past the baby stage with the youngest. However, we are pregnant again and we're going to have to do something.

I/We were only careless once but that was all it took. For the first time in eaither of our lives we're going to have to get rid of it (it is very very early days....weeks not months).

This is going to be horrible and I feel it's my fault. Of course I'll do everything I can to support and re-assure her. Don't really know why I'm posting, just need some help getting my head round it and could do with some idea of what this is like from her point of view. Never been in this position before, think I'm going to have to get the snip to stop it happening again as I\we seem to have some trouble sticking to contraception.

The one thing you can do is not assume the decision has been made - is she as convinced as you that the only option is an abortion?
Sorry youre in this situation and fwiw I dont think it's anyone's 'fault'.

It's not your fault. It takes two to tango and you both have responsibility for contraception.

I'd sit down and talk calmly about this, without assuming anything of the other person and ask what they want to do. I don't think you can assume you will definitely have an abortion unless you have discussed it. Things and feelings change when a pregnancy is confirmed.

If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy or not then make an appointment with your gp (both of you) to arrange either the snip or some other form of long term contraception.

No-one can really tell you what it's going to be like from her side.
Everyone handles these things differently.
Some people won't be too bothered. For others, it can have a real long term affect on them and actually change them completely.

Make sure you listen to her and try to understand her viewpoint.
The longer the pregnancy goes on, the more likely she is to want to keep it.
Be there for each other. Help and support each other through this.

And 'yes' get to the GP for the snip or for other contraception. Injection or implant for her maybe?

I wanted to suggest that you avoid using the phrase 'getting rid of it' as this can be upsetting /triggering to some women.

sorry to hear you're in this situatoin rb. very hard decision to make. Just let your wife talk as and when she wants to, ask how she is now and then, and talk yourself how you are feeling.

Are you absolutely sure, as a couple, that you don't want 4 children? Even if you've discussed it in the non-pregnant past, your wife's feelings may now be very different.

You're the male partner?

It's great that you're taking responsibility for your role in this situation and approaching it as a team, but you are not pregnant. Your partner is pregnant. It's her body and the decision, ultimately, is hers. As others have said, she may not be as certain as you are that you (plural) can't go through with it, because she (singular) is the one whose body is involved. You need to listen to her and support her. Unwanted pregnancies are absolutely awful, and even if you know from the moment you find out that you want to terminate, the whole thing can be very stressful. If you're in 2 minds about it it's even worse.

And yes, you (plural) really do need to rethink your contraceptive strategy.

rb: Life can be crap, like getting pregnant when you don't want, not being able to get pregnant when you do want to.

You both have a difficult decision to make.
I would advise both of you not to discuss it with anyone else, unless you want the whole world to know. Most people are unable to keep a secret.

If you have already told someone else about the pregnancy and do go ahead with a termination you may wish to say it was a miscarriage.

Best wishes to you both whatever you decide.

PS Get the snip ASAP.

I was aghast that a pregnant woman was using the phrase 'get rid of it' then realised you're a man.

A f*ing insensitive one at that.

Give your DP a hug and tell her you will support whatever HER choice is.

I read 'we' as a positive. He's taking responsibility for it and seeing it as a joint problem/issue.

But yes definitely don't say get rid of it, choosing not to continue with the pregnancy is kinder x

Thanks all for the advice. Definatly decided that choosing not to continue with the pregnancy is the way to go. We're in complete agreement in this, as far as I can tell.

It's a horrible thing and I feel for anyone who has to go through it. Will get the snip (wince!) booked.

It is a tough decision but you have to do what is right for you and your family.
Just support her through it as much as you possibly can.
I wish you both well.

Turnip - thanks for pointing out the obvious.