Please tell me I did the right thing and offer advice on what to do next...

[shellistar]

Last night my OH and I were watching TV and we heard some almighty crashes and bangs. We honestly thought it was coming from our bedroom. Realise it's next door so I go to the bathroom as the walls are thinner to see what the hell is going on!

It honestly sounded like the guy next door was beating his partner.

So I'm just about to rush round and break it up and offer her support when she comes frantically knocking on our door. We invite her in, she's in a right state. Crying her eyes out, eyes all swollen from the crying I hope and her knees are a mess. Swollen and scraped with massive bruises forming. Turns out he's grabbed her by her hair and dragged her along the room.

We sit her down, she accepts tissue, ice pack and water. We offer our phones so she can call someone but she's hysterical and can't think of the number for anyone. We say take your time, calm down and she tells us what's been going on.

Basically they've been together about a year and everything was fine until a terrible miscarriage around 5 months ago. Since then he's been abusive and this is not the first time. Admittedly we've heard rows before but never clearly enough to suspect it was anymore than just heated discussion and normal coupes stuff. Had I suspected that it was this bad I might have offered support earlier.

I suffered with an emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive man for years and I know that she's suffering from a classic case where it's escalated to physical abuse too. He's doing the traditional things like calling her family names, withholding money, owing her money, calling her names, goading her until she snaps and retaliates so she honestly thinks she is to blame. It honestly sounds like he's isolating her too.

She remembered the phone numbers but by this point it was too late, she'd rationalised it in her head. She couldn't call her dad cos it's his birthday today and he's 72 and "doesn't need to deal with this". She couldn't call her mum cos her mum hates her partner. We offered suggestions: 999 or 101 if she didn't feel up to the full on emergency call to the police. We suggested women's aid/refuge too. One thing I regret is not offering a lift to take her anywhere. After an hour she called down and went back home. We didn't really hear anything more. We have her our numbers and told her we'd leave our door unlocked for a couple of hours just in case. She was reluctant to do anything cos she didn't feel like she could afford to take time off from her job as she'd had quite a lot of time off for the miscarriage and, so it seems, previous incidents of abuse.

But we felt we had to report it. One of my biggest regrets was not reporting the abuse I suffered to the police and having an official record of it. I also regret not involving family, neighbours and friends until after I'd left as I left with zero support. With the recent news of ladies being killed by their abusive partners I didn't feel I could just leave it.

We called 101 and they listened and put us through to 999. They had to send someone out. The two police ladies didn't arrive until over an hour later at half 11 last night and we chatted with them and explained we didn't really know the lady, or even her name. The last we saw was them knocking on her door. We don't know if she allowed them in or even answered the door.

Sooooo here's my question. Did we do the right thing or should we have minded our own business with regards to calling the police. What should I do now? I was going to buy a nice card, write a note and give her our names and numbers again. Would this be ok or am I now crossing the line. I have no idea!!!

She seemed such a lovely, level headed, pretty girl and it just makes me sad. She said she'd leave but doesn't want to be alone.

I'm on my way to work so please bear with me if I get there early and am incommunicado! Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[heyday]

Yes you definitely did the right thing, and perhaps the police turning up at their door has given her/them the push to finally try and resolve their problems. Sometimes it takes something drastic to make us analyse our life, let's hope she can now find the strength to make changes to her situation.

[shellistar]

Thanks everyone, I'll update as soon as I know anything.