Still live with ex, though he doesn't accept he is an ex. Won't leave etc, have sort advice here before. Another year has passed and no change. Been to CAB advised I would be worse off if I left.
We have just carried on with life trying to keep things as normal as poss for the kids. Argue same argument every few months. When I get quite adamant about separating he just shouts me down and says we are not separating, can't do that to the kids and I need to think of them etc, I get depressed for a few weeks pick myself up for a bit then the cycle starts again. He blames my negative mind set for not wanting to try.
Suppose it's been prolonged as we both want to get the kids out of the area we live and have seen a few places but have not yet found anywhere, I don't want to move with him but can't get them out to a decent area/school without him.
Anyway the reason I'm posting again really is it's all come to blows again as he wanted to book a few days to Butlins and I said I didn't want to go, we had a row a few days after where I said again separated, no more etc etc got quite heated and again said I didn't want to go on holiday. So he went and booked something and told me after. I said I didn't want to go and I wasn't thrilled about it but maybe he should just take them in his own and it will be a good opportunity to get them (and me) used to us doing things separate and we can tell them the truth, his response was we are not separating we are moving house and we are not telling them the truth cos it isn't the truth and he ain't doing separate holiday shit and I need to stop making a pain in the arse of everything and do stuff together. He said he won't go it's just money. So this trip is tomorrow and I've come home to bags packed for them etc.
What shall I do?
I know he is going to try and guilt trip me into going.
I don't really feel comfortable with him taking them alone, but I'm thinking just put my foot down and not cave in like I normally do( which he is probably expecting)
If I don't go and he stays it will be a tense weekend more than usual plus I will have to feel guilt that they could of been having fun at Butlins! It's all booked and paid for!
If I do go I have to feel uncomfortable all weekend and get moaned at for being miserable and basically put on a pretend smile, plus it's tomorrow and I have nothing packed or prepared and he expects to go as soon as I get home from work.
He says we need time away and time to talk, but we have been talking for nearly 3 years and I feel no different,we went to Butlins last year, made no difference, so not quite sure why he thinks 3 days is gonna change everything, plus we can't really afford it.
I'm starting to feel really low again, but usually this lifts when I'm at work or out or even at home when he is out, I've told him this he just says I need to start doing stuff with him and as a family and things will get better, he doesn't want to accept I'm ok when he isn't around. Guess I just needed a rant today 