I want it he doesn't

[Peanutgant]

This is really getting me down. I have to ask DH for sex and then its usually just an 'SAS' job (i.e. in and out before you notice). This is undermining my self-esteem and making me feel really unattractive. Tried all the usual stuff but nothing works and to be honest I am fed up of making the effort, I want him to fancy me and not just the trimmings. Sick of all the excuses too

This is going to sound awful, but when we first met I thought he might be gay because he was so reluctant. However as time wore on I think it is inexperience. My DH is the sort of person in life if he can't do something or knows little about it rather then try he just doesn't do it (probably through lack of confidence) hence the problems we are having I think.

I do agree that it is rare for a man not to initiate sex, never come across this one before (emoticon for thoughtful here). Anyone else experienced this?

his libido is not high i guess.
he may need some therapy for the sake of your realtionship.

I've only had 2 sexual partners, too, PeanutGant. It's not the quantity, it's the quality that counts. Sounds like he's very insecure about it, do you tell him how good he is?

I do try and reassure him and tell him how much I fancy him etc. Make all the right noises in the right places too, if you get my drift . He is also very sensitive to criticism (about everything not sex, due to an overbearing highly critical father) so even if I approach the subject he withdraws into himself. I used to be a good communicator but he makes me nervous about broaching anything.

You're right that inexperience doesn't equal bad sex, as enthusiasm and good communication are all that is required (IMHO)!!

That's good. It's not fair on you, though, if he refuses to talk about it at all. He needs to be a bit brave, talk to you or risk resentment in the future.

Im starting to wonder if they may be deeper issues here with his dad.

I really think he needs to talk to someone.

I agree VVVQ, something I noticed from the start. He doesn't have a healthy relationship with his father, whenever we see them he is grumpy (DH that is) and withdrawn. Think his Dad is a bit of a bully. DH has good relationship with my own father which has helped tremendously and given him more confidence.

Sad, and very scary, the impact a parent can have on their kids... yikes...

Gosh, i really dont want to speak out of turn here, but im wondering how sinister a bully his father is.