Online dating and your thoughts please

[Wantajackrussell]

I am thinking of putting my profile on POF but am worried about disappointing any potential dates.

To explain, I am 56 and not really overweight and when I get my hair cut and coloured, carefully apply make-up and "dress up" I don't look too bad (or so I'm told!) The problem is if I do meet Mr Right and want to take things further, ie. sex, I am afraid once he sees me in the flesh he will be disappointed and I know this will truly upset me. I have had two children and I have a belly apron with stretchmarks (think rice pudding texture), my boobs are quite saggy as is my bum. I do walk quite a lot and apply body lotion etc but age has taken its toll.

As I said I am not particularly overweight but everything seems to be heading south. I did (and probably still do) enjoy sex but the thought of a man having to go through the act and not really enjoying it puts me off. I am a GSOH and think I am fairly sociable but my body is letting me down. He may be misled by my profile pics in which I probably don't look too bad. What do you think AIBU?

I'm honestly not trying to be cliched and cringey but if you meet someone you really like and have a connection with it wont matter. It wouldn't to me...not at all. Most people do not look like supermodels when naked (or otherwise!) and most people feel a bit self conscious about being naked in front of someone new. Everyone puts their best profile pic up...why wouldn't you?!! Good luck!

Hello OP.

Beliece me, I am no oil painting. a bit lardy, have all the badges and scars from bearing children - and I went online dating last year.

I dreaded taking my clothes off in front of a new man for the first time but it was actually fine.

a. I'm sure you are 10 times lovlier than you've portayed
b. chances are he won't be 22 either and will therefore have first hand experience of what amiddle aged body looks like
c. No man worth even talking to will be anything other than entranced by you. If he's put off by a normal woman's body then he's a knob
d. You won't be going to bed witha stranger - you will have got to know him a bit and feel comfortable with him
e. He'll be nervous too
f. It'll be fine

Good luck - go for it!

PS I met the nicest, kindest funniest man I've ever met and am really happy and having great sex so I can recommend it!

OP

I agree.

You're 56. Without seeing you, I have an image of what your 56 year old body might look like. I won't know exactly, but I've got a fair idea.

If I tell you that I'm 39, a size 12, have had 2 children and bf for 3 years in total, I'm pretty sure you've got an idea of what I look like too.

I've got a boyfriend of 6 months. I met him online. I know he's had some very beautiful girlfriends in his life. I wouldn't have been able to compete with them when I was the same age as they were, let alone now!! I could do with losing probably a stone. I asked him if he found me attractive and he said he thought I was beautiful and sexy and that if I wanted to lose some weight then I probably should do, but it wouldn't change how he feels about me.

My point being... (sorry!)

that you will be fine. Fake the confidence.

One thing I have realised is that you should never draw someone's attention to your 'bad points'. I met a man recently who I thought was very good looking. He would have been just my type... we became friends but all he did was complain that his hair was thinning and his waistline increasing, that his head was the wrong shape and his eyes too wrinkly... and do you know what? I stopped looking at him and seeing a very good looking 40something and instead saw a collection of flaws.

I learned a very important lesson in that friendship!!!

Just be truthful. I met my other half on POF over 4 years ago we have two children with the third on the way. I loved every part of our experience we dated for 3 months and talked for about a month or so before meeting I totally rate online dating.

Regardless of your supposed issues a man will love and accept you for who you are! I already had a child when we met and I also had a lot of issues with myself but he has made me feel comfortable and happy with me.

You will be fine thats the beauty of online dating they get to know you for you before you meet.

Marilyn Monroe once said 'If a man can't appreciate me at my worst, he doesn't deserve to see me at my best!'

That quote is so true, Car!

I'd forgotten that, but I think I'm going to live by that from now on...

I'm 51, very average-looking, need to lose 10 kg, no confidence about my looks whatsoever. When I started OD I really thought I wouldn't been "good enough" for any of the men out there (apparently not having been "good enough" for anyone in RL for the past 15 years).

I've been out with 6 men I met online, all around my age, in the past year. Four were overweight, one was skinny but looked older than his age, and only one was really fit. The last one was very nice but had unspeakable toenails (he was wearing sandals). And what is with the synthetic trousers that don't even fit? I felt I would have been a real catch, just in terms of looks, for any of them! It's done wonders for my confidence.

I don't mean to sound bitchy, they were all decent guys, and their looks wouldn't have put me off if we had clicked. (I did click with one, for six months, and didn't care about his weight, height or baldness.) I just mean that men have their flaws too.

I also worried I wouldn't be clever enough for them - also turned out not to be a problem (sigh).

So just get your hair done, wear something you feel good in, and don't worry about it. Women seem to age better than men, or at least are better at making the best of themselves.

Good luck! I'm sure you are fab!

Personality trumps looks. Just be your every day self.

Car - I love that quote, life long Marilyn fan here

I truly believe the most attractive thing is confidence, a lovely smile, a kind heart and a good personality. I have felt like rubbish some days but if I smile, it's like I am the prettiest person in the world to some others.

I agree with folkgirl, don't draw attention to your perceived bad points. Listen to Christina Agulara (sp) - 'You Are Beautiful', get your profile up there and enjoy the chatting