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Original poster

Online dating - when to take off profile?

26 replies

BramblePie · 21/05/2014 21:26

Ok so i know there is a dating thread but just looking for answers to one particular thing.

I have dated this one guy since feb, not met any others. I am not sure if he has met other people but i did ask and he hsaid he hadn't but i have seen him online on POF alomost every day.

Now, i only go on to see if he has been active and so he could be doing the same. But he could also be arranging dates with others.

We are seeing each other 1-2 time sper week, always staying over at one another houses. Txt most days. I really, really like him, i want to be in a relationship with him.

I would like to suggest we both come off POF. But can i do that? Is that too pushy? Is that just saying "you will be with me and no one else".

How do i even ask? Help!

OP posts:
akaWisey · 21/05/2014 21:33

I think 3 months in it's probably ok to broach the subject. Is he open about what he does in between dates with you?

littlegreenlight1 · 21/05/2014 21:34

My bf had a profile on there when we met. Even though we didnt get together straight away I later found out he deleted it the same night we met because he "knew".
And also I absolutely believe him and he'd never met anyone on there anyway!

Original poster
BramblePie · 21/05/2014 21:35

Yes, he tells me about his meetings and where he's been although i don't think i could be 100% certian what he is doing every evening. There have been a few occasions where ive thought i was sure he'd been on other dates.
At the same time it could be my mind just running away. sometimes i am paranoid.

How do i know if he truly is in to me?!

OP posts:
littlegreenlight1 · 21/05/2014 21:36

Oh yeah - definitely say something, that would drive me insane!!! 3 months is fine to find out if youre exclusive.
You dont have to say youve been spying, just say that you were going to delete your account etc - hey why dont we both. Hmm I can see it will be weird to ask but you really should!!

Ikeameatballs · 21/05/2014 21:37

It is asking "will you be with me and no one else" but that's what you want isn't it? After 3 months it's not at all pushy and in fact I'm surprised that you haven't had a discussion about this sooner. If he doesn't want to then you at least have your answer.

akaWisey · 21/05/2014 21:40

Well he's said he hasn't - so I'd be having the conversation very soon like the next time you see him. Really you have nothing to lose, if he doesn't want to be exclusive he's not right for you, and if he does then you he won't have a problem deleting the profile.

Lozislovely · 21/05/2014 23:29

Personally I would be wary of someone who still had their profile up after 3 months. Did any discussions take place when you first got together?

I met my partner on POF and as up thread I deleted my profile within days rather than weeks, as did he, because we both had 'this is the one' feeling.

I'm not sure how I'd have handled the fact that he was still online and searchable to

Lozislovely · 21/05/2014 23:32

Aaah, pressed post too soon!

To should be too!!

I would go with your guy feeling on this. Do you feel that you have a future with him? If you do then I would definitely broach the subject about being exclusive, for both of you.

You don't want to be investing your time in this guy if he still feels he can date other women.

CocoM · 22/05/2014 00:11

You would know if he is truly into you if he told you so. If he wanted you exclusively then you would know about it. When you say you stay over at one anothers houses I presume you mean you have a sexual relationship. I would have thought that if you are having a sexual relationship that you should now be exclusive anyway not dating other people. That sounds like he is just having fun with you for now until someone better comes along. If you think he is dating other women then he most likely is. Very bad behaviour really after 3 months but then you have let it happen .

magiclife · 22/05/2014 00:23

Its disrespectful to one another to have profiles whilst you are dating. You're effectively saying "you'll do until someone better comes along"...have the exclusive conversation and if he's not responsive then get rid. If he can't be open and honest and exclusive after three months there is no chance he will be after months or years..

Nunyabiz · 22/05/2014 00:48

We had a talk after a couple of weeks. My (now DH) said one day that he would be really happy to be exclusively dating, and how would I feel about that too? I said "eeeerr um... Well ok" Wink obviously I was happy about it but a little put on the spot. Maybe you could say something similar except instead of "how would you feel about that too?"
Maybe
"Is that something you have given any thought to?"
If he says no not really, you could either give him some time or take that as an indication that he's not really very serious about having a relationship (that's what I would be tempted to assume).
Either way you've addressed it, and to acknowledge you are exclusively dating yet keep a dating profile up is a big no no.

Original poster
BramblePie · 22/05/2014 06:19

Yup you are all right.

I am seeing him tomorrow so will talk to him then.

Will update!

Thanks

OP posts:
CocoM · 22/05/2014 09:04

I think that if he was into you he wouldn't be on the dating website anymore. This man is probably not only dating others but having dex with them on the night's he is not with you. Exclusivity is the last thing on his mind. I think you may find that if you ask him he will back off big time and you wont be hearing from him much more.

CocoM · 22/05/2014 09:04

"sex"

getthefeckouttahere · 22/05/2014 13:49

its gotta be off by third date or their aint gonna be a fourth imo!

You do have to tell em this though!

Writerwannabe83 · 22/05/2014 14:55

Me and my now DH removed our profiles within a week of meeting each other. I can't believe you've reached the 3 month stage without it having already been talked about Smile

FraterculaArctica · 22/05/2014 14:58

DH and I have never bothered to actually delete our profiles, 4 years later :)

L238 · 22/05/2014 15:03

I would like to suggest we both come off POF. But can i do that? Is that too pushy? Is that just saying "you will be with me and no one else".

If you like him and want to be in an exclusive relationship then it's not too pushy. I've had 2 LTRs from online dating, in both had "the conversation" about taking down profiles within a few weeks - would feel funny about seeing someone who still had an active profile and was still logging on daily. Good luck with your talk with him later!

CocoM · 22/05/2014 15:11

If he hasn't already said he wants to just date you then I would think that that is not his plan at all. You said you "feel" that he is dating others and your probably right. You said he has told you he is not seeing anyone else but you still have the feeling that he is. I would say that he is and as I said before, he is having sex with you twice a week and doing the same with other women on the other days. I might be wrong but from what you have said on here. that is the most likely case im afraid. Having "the talk" will probably see him ride off into the sunset.

Original poster
BramblePie · 22/05/2014 17:40

Well, youmay be right Coco but then at least i'd know. As miuch as i liek him i am not going to be strung along if he has no intention of becoming more serious with me.

H edoe slive in the country though and he is pretyt busy work wise so i am not really sure if he does see other people or not. It was only our second date when i asked if he was dating others. If he said yes i wouldnt have mided at that point really and he did reply with a horrified sounding "no". Also once when we were apart and id haa few to drink i and we were having some raunchy texts i said "but please dont just use me for that" he aid absolutely not, not his style. I also said i'd understand if he wanted to playt he field a bit but if he did then i didn't want to be included in that. he said he would never playt he field.

I do believe him when he says the actual words but then if i havent seen him in a while i do question it and that he is on POF and that he added more recent pics so then i was confused again.

I deleted my account and the re set it up so i could see if he viewed my profile again and he did. So i guess he can be looking and see me online checking on him. but he might think i am still dating too! Such a mess!

OP posts:
kentishgirl · 22/05/2014 18:21

Sit down and talk to him.

I met OH on line and it was about 3 weeks in that he raised the subject. He just said he was going to cancel his membership as he didn't want to meet anyone else and asked how I felt about that. I thought it was a good way to approach the subject (I was pleased and did the same). That was our exclusivity talk.

Yours added more pics recently though? Hmm

Ikeameatballs · 23/05/2014 20:04

How did it go Bramble?

Original poster
BramblePie · 24/05/2014 13:18

Pretty good! We both said we both on POF to check on each other and have both now deleted profiles. Also, he opened up to me quite a lot so now we both on the same page and exclusive! hurray!

OP posts:
Nunyabiz · 24/05/2014 16:56

Yay bramble Grin

Seb101 · 24/05/2014 17:21

Me and dh met online 4 years ago. I've just realised neither of us have ever dejected our profiles! Yikes!
But seriously we were so loved up in the early days it really never crossed my mind. I wouldn't take it as a bad sign that he hasn't deleted profile. But if it bothers you then I'd definately ask him. 3 months is not too soon and not 'Pushy.' Good luck; hope you get the answers you want :))