Is it normal to be attracted to someone 40 years older than you?

[ines123]

Just wondering if you think it is possible or am I just weird?

[andsmile]

Hnag on a minute...it's one thing looking at pics and thinking yes they look distinguished and even a bit hot...but

..it is another thing to be with them and see them moving possibly a bit fraily (sp), possibly holding outdates views and old gerneration interests from yesteryear...worying about healthy checkups and how many tablets they've took.

I mean IMO you have to be on the same page

[ines123]

But I'm not thinking of a relationship, ideally if he was interested I would love a companion to go to concerts with, to talk to, maybe a bit more...

I have always got on very well with older people, especially older men.

This guy does not hold outdated views, he is highly intelligent and charming.

And my interests are "old generation interests from yesteryear" :)

I'm thinking though, if I see him, is he going to jump on me immediately, I read somewhere about Laurence Olivier in old age making a horrible pass at Petronella Wyatt - that would be a bit much!

[Maisie0]

You may find them "interesting" or that you "admire" them, but come on... What would you have in common with someone who is 40 years older than you are ? Sympathy, and empathy is not love though is it really ? You're not likely to have that soul connection...

[whatdoesittake48]

isn't there some kind of psychological father-figure thing going on if you fancy an older man?

When I was a teenager there were many men I fancied and not one of them was less than 10 years older than me. One or two were pushing 40-50 years older.

These days, I am getting closer to my own age, but men in their 50's and 60's still attract me...

Am I really fancying men because they remind me of my father - shudder...

My husband is just 2 years older than me, so I didn't go down that road...just thought about it.

[Maisie0]

It's all very Freudian. A friend was actually approached by an older gentleman for an affair, despite the fact that he was married, had money, and had already settled into life's journey. Whereas she is new to the country, just into her first job in life, was a bit lonely, and found him interesting. I was shocked when she told me that he had another agenda and sexually harassed her. Both her and her BF at the time did not even know what to do ! They were both so young and naive. I believe she told her parents, and they too did nothing either. I was blowing my top even as a friend listening to her being taken advantage of.

There is something wrong with this kind of setup to be honest... Oh, he was a very reputable professor in Cambridge. Go figure. It takes ALL sorts of people.

[ines123]

Oh no Maisie, you are probably right!

I wouldn't be against something more than friendship, but wouldn't want it to be too crude... but then what else would a much older man be looking for in me?

I am not a spring chicken though.

Care to spill the beans about this guy you are talking about - PM maybe?

[MaoamMuncher]

Still got it

[Maisie0]

Ines123 To be honest, it doesn't matter what the other person want, but what do you want ? If what you want is not expressed to him then you may be missing the point. But if you know what you want from life now, and you tell him and that is not what he wants. Then he can back out. Don't let him mess with your mind too much.

No, I won't spill the beans on that incidence, but my point is that, sometimes you do need another GF (imho) anyway, to see the situation for what it is. She was upset about it, so I told her what to do to avoid situations from happening.

[getthefeckouttahere]

gag, gag, gag!!

[GarlicMayonnaise]

I've never met a man my age (59) or older, who wasn't a bit sexist & creepy. It's not 'caused' by their age, it's historical - men were about 10/15 years behind us in equality awareness, and had grown up with a deep sense of male entitlement.

Fortunately for me they're mostly creepy wrt younger women, so I only () have to deal with the sense of superiority!

[Darkesteyes]

..it is another thing to be with them and see them moving possibly a bit fraily (sp), possibly holding outdates views and old gerneration interests from yesteryear



Including the outdated view of not expecting women to shave all their pubic hair off.

Bring It On!


Oh and I have a bit of an obsession with the 1970s at the moment anyway.

[AdeptusMechanicus]

To add extra to my earlier comment. I think it also depends on weather it would be for the companionship or basic doing the deed.

[DistanceCall]

A roll in the hay? Yes, definitely. A relationship? Not really.

[ines123]

Ahem, do you think men can still "roll in the hay" at that age (70s)?

[OuterFromOutersville]

I think so ines . Gently though, we don't want anyone breaking a hip .

[blueshoes]

A "roll in the hay"? How quaint.

[hellymelly]

Lucien Freud seemed to do alright well into old age... My friend has over twenty years between her and her DH, he is early 70s, about 73 I think. They are very happy together. Another friend's parents had a 40 year gap, he was 60 and she 20 when they married, she was 40 when I knew them, but was by far the more "grown up" of the pair. I think if you fall for someone then age isn't an issue really.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

I'm 39 and I can't imagine me fancying someone nearly 80!

[blueshoes]

I know OP is not suggesting a long term relationship but age is a huge issue where there is such a large age gap. The younger one will be the older one's carer in no time at all. Why not live life with someone your own age than be tied down with old age and infirmity. I don't think it is a good deal for the woman at all.

Unless of course she is cynically waiting for an inheritance (not suggesting in any way this is OP)

[motherinferior]

I'd find it hard, I have to say, to feel passion for a bloke of 91. This is probably horribly ageist of me, though.

[Lweji]

The only one in the 80s that I might fancy is Sean the Connery.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

Good god yes, Lweji ^^

[Maisie0]

This is what I think, if you take someone of a different age to yourself, how does that look or what does that say to others too ? If you take one person from a certain age group, then it means that there are less people who others should date around the same age too. Also shouldn't people work on themselves, than to displace their past onto someone "new" ? There is no "take two" in life. We need to find ways to build up a life which we want and which we love too. If you never look back to check out the lessons, then you will continue to live in this "ego" state anyway, and it is not true true happiness. You "think" it as love, rather than to "feel" it as love...

As ladies, I think we should indeed cultivate love within ourselves, and also to offer that to someone who would appreciate it and love it too. No excuses... You cannot "grow up" if you do not put in the effort. Cradle snatching, or walking-frame snatching is just not on.

I know this is MN, but sometimes, I do fear that as ladies our rose-tinted glasses are a little bit too strong...

This is one of those silly talk isn't it ? ... "I know someone who did this." But is that the ideal ? No it is not the ideal... and if you cannot do it, then why suggest to others that it is possible ??? Crazy talk...

[OuterFromOutersville]

baffled

[ines123]

Maisie, I'm also a bit confused by your last post...

I think love comes in all sorts of forms and ways...not always the most convenient or "appropriate".

Is love only allowed in perfect circumstances?