Is it normal to be attracted to someone 40 years older than you?

[ines123]

Just wondering if you think it is possible or am I just weird?

[madcatlady88]

Aged 18 I had an 18 month on-off relationship with a man aged 53. At the time I think I was looking for a bit of a father figure. He wasn't particularly attractive, rich or have anything special about him. With hindsight I can't really see what I found attractive about him...but I guess that's the peculiarity of attraction you can't really rationalise who you are attracted to.

[Lweji]

I think it's easy to understand why he'd be interested in you.

If you are interested in him, you'll have to figure out if he's interested for the right reasons.

[ProfPlump]

BTW isn't it a recognised thing if you fancy old people in general rather than just one in particular? Gerontophilia.

[ProfPlump]

Only read the OP but the answer is easy:

"It depends how rich he is"

[Darkesteyes]

Maisie said "walking frame snatching is just not on"

a. I think you are exaggerating.
b. If you were on this thread treating gay relationships or interracial relationships with such derision there would be a massive outcry and rightly so.
But I also don't see why age gap relationships get to be the safe prejudice.

[Maisie0]

Infatuation, lust, or love ?

You can admire someone, find them interesting, but you need to ask yourself if that person is representing something that you want for yourself, and not because you love this other person to be so.

[hellymelly]

David Bowie? Oh yes. He isn't in his 70s though is he?
Anyway op, I remembered a crush I had in my early 30s. On a man in his early 60s probably. I was working in an antique shop - no sniggering at the back please-doing bits of restoration -titter ye not- and helping run the shop. He came in several times to buy chandeliers. . He had such beautiful manners, and was so charming and interesting. He drove an Austin 7. . If he'd asked me out on a date I would have definitely gone. But he never did (I think he was probably married), and then I left the shop and never saw him again.
DH is 8 years younger than me, that brought its own problems (it is the sole reason I didn't have children until my 40s). But you fall in love with the person, and the age isn't really a factor.
So I say, Go roll in the hay, lady.

[DistanceCall]

And I'm happily partnered up, but otherwise I would happily have a roll in the hay with Leonard Cohen :)

[DistanceCall]

I spent my holidays in a rural house some time ago. While waiting for a bus, a man in his 90s asked me (I was in my mid-30s) if I would mind his touching my breasts. When I said that yes, actually, I would mind, and why didn't he ask his wife, he said that his wife had refused to have sex for years. He added that he would go to the village prostitute, but he had to take the bus back from the market and the prostitute was in demand, so there was no time.

And apparently there was quite a lot of rolling in the hay going on, yes.

[ines123]

Yes, LettertoHerms, I am slightly wondering why this guy might be interested in me, as we haven't spoken that much yet so he can't be entirely aware of how interesting and captivating I am :) I also think I look somewhat younger than I am, while he doesn't, so a bit suspicious there...

I am 38, he is 78. He seems athletic for his age, and I suspect he is physically fit.

I would never have thought it was possible to feel like this about someone that much older, but I guess all it takes is the right person.

Maybe I would be his last hurrah for a roll in the hay ;)

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

There's 40 years older than you when you're 25 and there's 40 years older when you're 45.

I would think a roll in the hay with most 85 yr olds would be problematic. According to my dad, 81, he has had zero interest for about five years. "tmi daaaaad!"

[LettertoHerms]

I would run away with David Bowie tomorrow if the opportunity presented itself. (As I often like to imagine!)

A few other older celeb crushes too. But in general I wouldn't be attracted to men 40 years older, I would think of them as grandfathers.

I do like them a bit older though... DP and I have 14 years' difference. OP if you're asking for yourself, well, no one else can dictate what you are attracted to. I might judge the man attracted to the 40 years younger woman more though, seems weird to me he could get past thinking of her as young enough to be his child or even grandchild.

[ines123]

Maisie, I'm also a bit confused by your last post...

I think love comes in all sorts of forms and ways...not always the most convenient or "appropriate".

Is love only allowed in perfect circumstances?

[OuterFromOutersville]

baffled

[Maisie0]

This is what I think, if you take someone of a different age to yourself, how does that look or what does that say to others too ? If you take one person from a certain age group, then it means that there are less people who others should date around the same age too. Also shouldn't people work on themselves, than to displace their past onto someone "new" ? There is no "take two" in life. We need to find ways to build up a life which we want and which we love too. If you never look back to check out the lessons, then you will continue to live in this "ego" state anyway, and it is not true true happiness. You "think" it as love, rather than to "feel" it as love...

As ladies, I think we should indeed cultivate love within ourselves, and also to offer that to someone who would appreciate it and love it too. No excuses... You cannot "grow up" if you do not put in the effort. Cradle snatching, or walking-frame snatching is just not on.

I know this is MN, but sometimes, I do fear that as ladies our rose-tinted glasses are a little bit too strong...

This is one of those silly talk isn't it ? ... "I know someone who did this." But is that the ideal ? No it is not the ideal... and if you cannot do it, then why suggest to others that it is possible ??? Crazy talk...

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

Good god yes, Lweji ^^

[Lweji]

The only one in the 80s that I might fancy is Sean the Connery.

[motherinferior]

I'd find it hard, I have to say, to feel passion for a bloke of 91. This is probably horribly ageist of me, though.

[blueshoes]

I know OP is not suggesting a long term relationship but age is a huge issue where there is such a large age gap. The younger one will be the older one's carer in no time at all. Why not live life with someone your own age than be tied down with old age and infirmity. I don't think it is a good deal for the woman at all.

Unless of course she is cynically waiting for an inheritance (not suggesting in any way this is OP)

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

I'm 39 and I can't imagine me fancying someone nearly 80!

[hellymelly]

Lucien Freud seemed to do alright well into old age... My friend has over twenty years between her and her DH, he is early 70s, about 73 I think. They are very happy together. Another friend's parents had a 40 year gap, he was 60 and she 20 when they married, she was 40 when I knew them, but was by far the more "grown up" of the pair. I think if you fall for someone then age isn't an issue really.

[blueshoes]

A "roll in the hay"? How quaint.

[OuterFromOutersville]

I think so ines . Gently though, we don't want anyone breaking a hip .

[ines123]

Ahem, do you think men can still "roll in the hay" at that age (70s)?

[DistanceCall]

A roll in the hay? Yes, definitely. A relationship? Not really.