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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Needy Friend

4 replies

MoreSpamThanGlam · 31/08/2006 11:40

I have a friend, well, she is the sister of a good friend. She has 1 child (thru IVF). And lives in an area she hates. She is reluctant to try and make new friends, spends 4 days a week at her sisters from 10 til 2.30. Does not work.
She was quite low for a while and became quite clingy with me as she had no other friends and I would visit my friend (the sister) from time to time.
I suggested, after a v tearful few hours, that she visit the doctor as she might be depressed. Which she did and he basically told her to get a grip. I suggested she join some mum and toddler groups (her son still sleeps in the same room as her and dh - she is incredibly protective), learn to swim, even put her house on the market. Which she has done.
She seemed to be getting better, but a month ago she suffered a miscarriage. She is now tearful all the time and if I say that I cant meet her on a particular day (via text) and that I will make the next day, she just ignores me. If i speak to her on the phone she sobs and sobs and makes me feel really guilty.
I really want to help my friend but she just wont get up off her a@se and help herself and I am finding it really frustrating to the point where I am almost avoiding her calls.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
katyjo · 31/08/2006 12:26

Hi MSTG, I think you can only do so much, she has to be responsible for her own life. Make sure she knows that you are there for her if she needs you, but you can't fix everything for her. Good luck!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/08/2006 12:29

her gp sounds very unhelpful

wartywarthog · 31/08/2006 12:37

you can only help someone who wants to help themself, and it seems to me like she's very depressed. i think she needs to see a different gp and get professional help.

it's not fair to lumber you with being responsible for her - you're not. you can't make her better. you can get her to go to a different gp. i'd just keep re-iterating that she has to go, and keep asking her if she's done it.

MoreSpamThanGlam · 31/08/2006 17:03

I agree, have told her today to book an appt and let me know tomorrow that she has done it (she is coming to me tomorrow).

I just dont want her to feel like I am brushing her off at a very needy time.

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