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Original poster

Dating an older man - sex

32 replies

HomerPigeon · 21/05/2014 12:28

Curious to know whether my views on sex and dating have been warped by the horrible experiences I've had with OD, where nearly every bloke seems to expect sex within the first couple of dates.

Have met a lovely, older man. And he's a hottie. Lucky me. He is early 50s, I am late 30s. We've been out 5 times. I made it clear at the start that I wanted more than just dinner and sex and he's been very respectful of that. In fact I get the impression that he wouldn't mind at all if I didn't want to sleep with him for ages yet. Thing is, I really do. But I don't know if his being so OK with NOT doing it means that he might think I am "easy" if I do.

Really want a proper relationship to blossom so don't want to make the move too soon, but equally don't want him to think I'm guarding my purity forever! Are expectations of how soon to sleep together different once you get to meet a proper grown-up (hard to find online), or am I overthinking this?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/05/2014 12:52

I suggest you drop the heavy expectations, take the pressure off and treat this guy the same as everyone else. Just because he's 50-odd, doesn't mean he's materially different to other people. Fair enough that you want more than a casual relationship but there does come a point, before you buy the barrel, that you need to try the wine.

ohdobuckup · 21/05/2014 12:53

Perhaps you can suggest a weekend away sometime soon so there would be an expectation of being together overnight...hotel sex can be much more fun than at either home, but whatever you are more comfortable with really.

The other aspect of him not rushing into sex with you might be that he might not be that into it or confident of his abilities...it might take him all night to do what he used to do all night..

NoArmaniNoPunani · 21/05/2014 12:57

If he thinks you're easy for wanting sex then he's a twat.

Original poster

HomerPigeon · 21/05/2014 13:13

Cogito I've not been withholding anything by any means! There's been a lot of kissing etc but on each occasion at the point when (IME) he might have started taking my clothes off, he hasn't.

I'm fairly confident his equipment works as well!

Perhaps I should just drop my oddly Victorian idea that the man should take the lead?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/05/2014 13:20

Yes, drop the Victorian ideas.... The poor man must have balls like space-hoppers by now...

Original poster

HomerPigeon · 21/05/2014 13:23

Come on, it's only been 5 dates!

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 21/05/2014 14:11

You have given out one message and he it seems is respecting you, so now you can't really complain....

pissedglitter · 21/05/2014 14:17

You might need to start undoing his shirt instead of sitting wishing he would undo yours

Please let go of the Victorian thinking

wallaby73 · 21/05/2014 14:39

Ahem. The HOTTEST time i've ever had in the sack, was with a man in his early 50's (this covered from about 38-40 for me....and i'm 40 now...shame about his personality!) seriously, i mean i'm blushing at my desk with the flashbacks! He will know what he's doing for sure....

AwakeCantSleep · 21/05/2014 14:56

wallaby I second that. I was with an early 50s man once. He definitely knew what he was doing. And knew what he wanted too. We got on extremely well in bed. He was soooo good... blush

Homer could it be he really likes you and doesn't want to come across as a sex obsessed older sleaze ball kind of guy by pushing for sex? Defo drop the Victorian thinking and go for it.

NorthEasterlyGale · 21/05/2014 15:02

Well, if you're feeling all Victorian, get yourself a nice corset and ask him for help unlacing it one night when you get in from a date...

Uptheanty · 21/05/2014 15:08

You are in for a treat, nothing like a man with experience

ToffeeMoon · 21/05/2014 15:17

God, I'd love to have a steamy encounter with an older man. I quite often see men around the 50 mark and fancy them. I don't think it'll be the same when my same-age-as-me DH reaches 50.

wannaBe · 21/05/2014 15:21

I imagine that given you have made it clear you don't want sex from the outset he is waiting for you to take the lead in that regard. so drop the Victorian attitude and jump him. And then come back and update. :D

kentishgirl · 21/05/2014 15:27

'Perhaps I should just drop my oddly Victorian idea that the man should take the lead?'

Yes, you've told him to hold off, and now you are miffed that he is. He's just trying to do what you want (sweet) or he's shy (not so sweet as far as I'm concerned), or he likes to take things very slowly (up to you, not my thing).

If you think grown up sex is different, it is. (50s is that old in your mind?). You quit playing all these games, and worrying about all the rules, and what he might/might not think, is the main difference. If you want to sleep with him, then get on with it for goodness sake. The best thing about grown up sex is how relaxed it can all be.

ivykaty44 · 21/05/2014 15:30

Uptheaunty doesn't mean its a treat just cos he's done it more, some men never learn with age....I know from experience that older men differ widely

Golferman · 21/05/2014 15:31

We older men are like cars; slow and steady out of the garage but know exactly where we are going and provide a comfortable ride. Mind you some of us need to be hand started.....

Uptheanty · 21/05/2014 15:32

I'm just going from my experience

I've obviously just trained mine well

OhWesternWind · 21/05/2014 15:42

It's only been five dates, still early days. There's no rush and if you're more comfortable getting to know each other better first, then that's fine. The anticipation can be wonderful

I've been seeing a man in his early 50s for a year now, met him online and we didn't sleep together for three months or so. It just seemed right to wait a little while. He is absolutely amazing in (and out of) bed, just keeps getting better and better.

beaglesaresweet · 21/05/2014 15:51

definitely no guarantee that older men are better in bed, it's either his 'talent' or not. I'd say many older men have some problems (i.e. can't have sex on a whim or for as long as needed for a woman, it's inconsistent compared with younger men - generalisation of course but I'm talking majority).
You could ask him during kissing, whether he'd like to go further. I'm a bit at the fact that he can't see that you are ready for more, from all the kissing getting more passionate every time, it must be written on your face by now.

kentishgirl · 21/05/2014 15:59

I think the many older men having problems are more like 70+, not just in their 50s?

Original poster

HomerPigeon · 21/05/2014 16:35

Well just to clarify, I don't think 50s is "older" generally, just notably "older" than me. I was also with a man 12 years my senior for most of my 20s and he was crap in bed, so no guarantees obviously, but with this one I can tell the sex would be hot. And it's not that I told him I didn't want sex, just that I tried to make it clear that I wasn't just out to get laid. From past experience of OD, meeting someone I liked and sleeping with him fairly quickly, it became just about sex (for him). So I wanted to make it clear to this one that I am looking for more.

I'm going to give him a clearer sign next time I see him. Maybe I should invite him round for dinner.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 21/05/2014 16:39

My dp is 54 you will not be disappointed

kentishgirl · 21/05/2014 17:17

Yep,it's a great age. They've managed to get the hang of everything and have still got plenty of oomph left.

Original poster

HomerPigeon · 21/05/2014 20:34

I can't wait to see him again now. Though unfortunately this will not be until next week now.

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