I've just realised what a pathetic coward my DF is.

[Allinson2014]

There's quite a long back story here so I'll try and be brief. I have posted about it before. Basically I unfriended my DF partner from facebook as she was posting thirty or forty statuses a day and some really inappropriate stuff too that I didn't want to read. I spoke to both her and my DF to make it clear that it was nothing personal and we hadn't fallen out in real life.

My DF partner however went absolutely ballistic and couldn't accept it at all. My DF kept ringing me and I would repeat myself that it wasn't personal, hadn't fallen out etc etc. My DF would always end the call with that's fine, no problem and he would talk to his partner and try and sort it out.

My DF had his 60th birthday coming up and every few weeks id hear from my DM or Dsis to ask why I hadn't sorted things with my DF. It basically became clear that my DF was telling everyone something different. He hates confrontation so would tell me things were ok but was too much of a coward to speak to his DP so she would get him to try and sort it again.

I am pregnant and got fed up of this so I text him once more saying that everything was ok, hadn't fallen out with anyone and would see him on his birthday.

I went to his birthday, his DP refused to go. We spoke and I again thought all was sorted out. Since then I have text him a few times and he's basically ignoring me. I was really quite upset as I was texting him about my DCs and about the due date of his grand daughter. He hasn't replied at all. I feel so sad but I've got to accept that I've really tried to sort it out and if he would rather bury his head in the sand than texte back that's up to him. I just can't decide what to do once the baby arrives. I text him the date of my section but as he hasn't replied I don't know if I should send a picture to him or if he's going to visit. Id like him to, but don't want his DP too. It probably would be so much easier to deal with if I wasn't so hormonal.

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry it's long, I didn't want to miss out too much of the back story.

How about phone-calls rather than relying on texts? A ringing phone s harder to ignore. I'm afraid, if you want a relationship with Dad, you're going to have to find a way to tolerate his partner.

I do ring him and he doesn't answer. I do tolerate her, I haven't fallen out with her. It's her who can't let the matter drop. The facebook incident happened three months ago now and she is still hassling my dad about it.

Also she's not a new partner. They've been together 15 years. She's always been a bit dramatic so we haven't had a close relationship but we certainly have all managed to get on before this.

Can't just re add her as a friend, but hide her posts, she'll be none the wiser.

Why didn't you just hide her on fb? Or unfollow without defriending?

I don't know what the solution is here. Your father is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Can you try and speak to her direct and try and clear the air?

I can't readd her as she is inappropriate. I can't really say why as it might identify me but basically some terrible things happened in mine and my DH pasts and she will comment on them on our facebook pages. I have spoken to her directly. It's impossible because we see the situation entirely differently and I can't see a way past it.

Your DF and his partner sound very childish TBH. I would let it go and not contact him until he's ready to grow up. Miss the birth of your GC because of a Facebook tanty? Ridiculous!!

That's what I think I'll have to do to be honest. I've tried to ring him just now and he's not answering so I've text, just to see how he is. If I get no response then there's nothing more I can do. I know I caused the problem in the first place but I have really tried to sort it in the last three months. Oh well.

Sadly, if your father is an emotional coward he will ignore you and side with his partner as he lives with her and so he can't ignore her - but he can live with you.

His partner clearly controls him and he can't tell your mum and sister that he has a bonkers partner so your father has said you are the problem. He hopes that your mum and sister will make you be nice to his partner - then he doesn't have to do anything.

You may have to accept your dad won't respond - his partner may be checking his phone.
Ring him direct and see if that helps, or sadly, accept he won't come because he is too scared. At the end of the day he is the one who suffers most. My dad is very confrontation averse and very very passive, so I know what it is like - but you can't do anything really unless you totally accept his partner and put up with her inappropriateness.

Sorry I meant to say your dad doesn't live with you so its easier for him to ignore you - posted too soon!

You've done nothing wrong. His partner sounds a bit unhinged. Who goes crazy over being unfriended on fb? As for your father, if he is choosing to let a stupid fb incident override the birth of his grandchild then that tells you where you stand.

Oh dear, its quite a pickle isn't it. But i can't help think that its a pickle that you wanted.

You could have just hidden her on FB and that would have been that. No drama, no trauma. But of course you knew that didn't you?

But you chose to unfriend her which is of course a public act, spoke to them both to let them know and assure them that it wasn't personal when of course it is. (how passive aggressive is that?) and now predictably your DF feels conflicted.

Now you get to call yr DF a pathetic coward.

Sounds to me that you got exactly what you wanted?