help needed please

[realitygone]

I've been nc with my mum for the last year, she is typical sociopath checks all the boxes.

Things came to a head which ended in a massive blow out.

Since then I just long for my mum, not who she isbut who I want her to be.

I decided to meet her, so today I am.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me?

Don't go-she will never be the mum you want, she does not exist.
You are leaving yourself open to a whole new lot of heartache.

She is unable to be the mother you want her to be.

Will you be happier after meeting her?

I also don't think you will get your fairytale ending.
Maybe go armed with a list of questions you have for her.
But.. She won't change and you will end up hurt all over again.
I really hope we are all wrong. So good luck.

She's your mum. Go with very low expectations but try to be at peace with her. You will hurt less.

I went to a counselling session last year with her which ended with me telling her she will go to hell.

I need to see if the year has changed her atall

Maybe meet her as a stranger? By which I mean, forget titles and DNA links, park the expectations and history, but simply engage with her as you would some random person you just met. Judge and treat entirely as you find.