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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

always feeling invisible / irrelevant

5 replies

misszzv · 21/05/2014 00:25

I've been married for a year and a half now and my ds is 10 months old. At first before we was married my dh was very affectionate and always said kind things, now it's like I'm invisible.. We would never do anything sexually if it wasn't for me starting it he's just never interested so we're rarely do anything. I feel like I'm just the cook/cleaner/ babysitter. He works long hours (about 9am till 7:30/8pm) so he's gone all day so I never want to bother him when he gets back incase he's tired but I do often say I feel irrelevant and he doesn't say anything. Whenever I ask to go out on a date night without ds (once a month or less) my dh says 'if u want I don't mind' like he couldn't care less whether we went or not. It's really getting me down how diss interested he seems :( I feel Lonely even when were in bed and I go for a cuddle with him he's sitting on his phone and when I say your being anti social lets cuddle he still sits playing on it till I get fed up and turn over and even then he stays on it till i go to sleep. He moans about everything nothing's ever right for him but he does support me and ds financially he pays for everything so I feel like I can't say too much. What would u do?

OP posts:
misszzv · 21/05/2014 00:28

(Sorry forgot to add this) all started when I was pregnant before we got married he was messaging other girls and wouldn't contact me for a week and then when we did first get married he would be with his friends 24.7 and I was home alone heavily pregnant and ill most the time n since then I've always felt irrelevant !

OP posts:
Bookaboosue · 21/05/2014 02:37

You're not invisible. I can see you! Firstly, do you feel invisible in all aspects of your life or just with your dp? If it's only the latter, then I'd start making clear demands and having some boundaries. Either your dp is completely oblivious or he's testing to see how little you'll accept in a relationship. He should be making your life better not worse.
Have a conversation about the lack of affection/sex. Don't have it in bed when you will feel rejected. Listen to what he says and then think about whether that's what you want or not. Don't make excuses for him and don't settle.
Thanks try to spend more time with people who care about you and value you.

misszzv · 21/05/2014 10:39

No not in all aspects of my life just with him, and ok thank you for the advice. I have had conversations saying I'm the only one who makes the effort etc he doesn't really react or seem bothered

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 21/05/2014 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/05/2014 10:53

In all honesty - I would get out of it now.
It's not going to improve.
He's still messaging other girls late into the night when you are right next to him.
He contributes nothing at all to your wellbeing or your relationship.
You can't make a relationship work on your own.
It takes 2 people.
It sounds awful.
I would contact CAB and see what I was entitled to.
Then contact CSA and find out what maintenance I would get.
Is the house mortgaged? Is it in both your names?
CAB first for some legal advice and then go from there.

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