Hello, I've been lurking on this topic for some time now. I feel I just need to get everything out of my head in order to move forward if that makes sense.
I'm 34, ex/dh is 36. Have been married for 9 yrs, together 14yrs, dd is 5 and ds 2.
DH seemed really different personality wise last yr, and his physique had noticably increased. I questioned was he taking anything which he kept denying even to point of swearing on kids lives he wasn't. Turns out he was lying as i found evidence that he had been injecting himself with steroids. I confronted him and told him it was over as he couldn't be trusted, it wasn't just the act of what he was doing that I didn't agree with but also the fact he had lied to me over and over. He begged me to give him another chance, that we could put it behind us and he had wanted to tell me etc but just kept getting in deeper with the lies. He promised he would never take anything like that again. I decided to not end things and give him/us a chance and that he would have to rebuild my trust.
Approx 5 weeks later he was signed off work with stress/depression. He was given anti d's. At the same time I had 2 bouts of bronchitis and my dad suffered a heart attack and ended up being in hospital over a month. This was all during the summer hols so it wasn't a great time.
Fast forward to January this yr and he seemed to be acting really distant. This was getting worse moving into feb, he just wasn't communicating. I kept trying to talk to him to see what was wrong etc, he said nothing was.
Then 21st feb i logged into facebook and it came up in my newsfeed that he had been tagged in bitstrip pics by some girl I didn't even know he was friends with. So I confronted him about her, who she was etc. Turned out he was working out with her stepdad at the gym and she had started going there two weeks before. I said I didn't think it was appropriate and it looked like she may have some kind of crush on him. He said he would delete her off fbook if it made me feel better, so he did. It still didn't sit right with me so all that week when he had been the gym I was asking him stuff etc, he was mocking her. It kept bugging me. Then on Sunday 2nd March we were all supposed to be going to my parents for lunch, he said he didn't feel well... It transpired that he had set up an email address given it to her stepdad, she had got in contact and as soon as I had left the house arranged to go to her's for a 'coffee'. So I threw him out that evening.
It's been very messy since then. He went to hers that night and has been there ever since apart from when he has conned me into taking him back. He has no family local to us, they're a 3hr+ drive away.
So it turns out she is only 23. He had emailed her and the first time they met was the night I threw him out. I have the emails proving this.
He blames me originally for not trusting him so he felt he didn't have privacy. Then it changed to he couldn't be himself and do what he wanted to do because he wanted to take steroids again but I didn't agree with them. Then it turned into I didn't support him, was never there for him. So I've been blamed for it all even though I said he should have tried talking to me about it all.... But then I wouldn't have been happy with him taking the steroids anyway...
I now think he may have started them again in January and that was what I could pick up on, I'm very instinctive.
Now he is very erratic, has awful mood swings, completely out of character which I believe is all down to the steroids. He was always such a good dad but now he just sees the kids as and when. He is being very selfish. I have had to arrange mediation to make set arrangements for the kids because he wants to control everything and just says i will be in touch... that's not good enough the kids need stability.
When I'm strong and we talk about moving forward in the future he agrees then i suddenly start getting texts saying it's you fault this happened, if you had supported me we wouldn't be in this position. Then others are, you can't accept I love ow, and that's why I've left etc. Then he sends angry ones about me meeting someone else in the future.
It's so hard, i would have done anything for him, I always did and loved/still love him so much but it's heartbreaking to watch him acting this way, making such irrational decisions. I know he's a grown man but I just feel so angry and hurt that he has thrown away everything we had built together and our children's childhoods with their parents together in one home.
How is this going to turn out. Even now he still says he wants to come back if I would take him, and then next day says he hates me etc.