Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should i let him go

5 replies

Bustedmonkey · 20/05/2014 21:05

I've posted here with DH internet cheating issues, twice. After the second time I was about to leave but then decided not to, and he begged me to stay. He can be a pain with negativity and a sense of entitlement wrt work and lack of effort in the relationship, but he's a lovely, kind, and generous man.

When he begged me to stay, I told him that he needed to think about what he wanted really and be true to himself and his needs. It is me that has a problem with sex, and I said if he wanted that we should split instead of him cheating. He insisted I was more important than sex.

I wanted to change but have done nothing about it, basically he cant penetrate me as I'm 'closed for business'. I realise I need some therapy and have looked it up but haven't done anything. I've no sexual feelings generally not even with hunky chaps about and I'm not attracted to him. But I do love him dearly. Sometimes out of the blue I will recall his cheating and be angry and disgusted. But he's been making a lot of effort to make up for this.

In any case, the lack of sex is still a problem and I am wondering if I should really be kind and fair and let him go? How much longer before he cheats again. He will hate me if he doesn't already, I suspect he's feeling guilty now which may mask his true feelings.

We're best pals and very close and co-dependant and no real friends apart from each other. I feel guilty and hate myself either way.

OP posts:
neiljames77 · 20/05/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guiltypleasures001 · 20/05/2014 22:47

Hi op

The reason you are closed for business is because he has hurt you, if someone hurts you your body/ mind will go in to fight or flight mode. You aren't letting him in mentally and neither will you physically.

If you don't respect like or want someone you won't let them in to the most intimate part of you. It's not about you not wanting sex, it's about you unconsciously not wanting him.

Bustedmonkey · 21/05/2014 07:15

Thanks for your responses. I was closed for business before the cheating, obviously that's what led to the cheating. TMI warning, and that I believe came about because he was almost always premature. We've been together 11 years married 9, no kids.

Since last time we've gotten ourselves out of the rut of skinniness being a little overweight. Both have lost weight, gym and equipment at home and eating v healthy. I was hoping weightloss will bring my mojo back, but it hasn't yet.

I've been thinking since I posted this. I imagined life without him and I don't want that. We've never been good having difficult convos, but I'm going to this coming l

OP posts:
Bustedmonkey · 21/05/2014 07:17

Apolos for posting before I finished and for typos

Long weekend. I realise its boy just me and it is as much about him as me. I won't be able to '"let him go' if he doesn't want to!

OP posts:
Joysmum · 21/05/2014 08:49

You've got choices here and need to make them together.

You get help and be seen to value your relationship enough to at least try to resolve your issues. He agrees to remain faithful and celibate as you are trying and may at some point be able to satisfy his sexual urges yourself.

You don't get help and expect him to remain celibate for the rest of his life. He agrees to be faithful and celibate despite you not trying.

You don't get help and expect him to remain celibate for the rest of his life. He agrees to be faithful and celibate despite you not trying but continues to cheat on you

You don't get help but you believe that he should not remain faithful and celibate and is free to have sex with others but remains emotionally faithful to you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread