Ive been reading another thread where an OP seems to be at that point of knowing things are bad but not ready or confident enough to leave.
In the hope that it might give those in damaging relationships confidence to make the steps they need to chane things for the better, I thought it might be an idea to have a thread where MNers who have left bad relationships could post to show that it's doable and that it has been the right thing for them.
I'll start with my story and hope others will join me to show support for those amongst us who are having trouble making those necessry changes.
Almost 4 years ago i came down for breakfast and told EXP that once he'd finished his cornflakes i wanted him to leave.
The night before he had gotten drunk and almost set me on fire by squirting lighter fuel at me whilst i was stood beside the BBQ. Our 5 year old was standing watching. The night didnt get any better, he became verbally abusive and made the whole evening about humiliating me infront if our friends. This was the straw that broke the camel's back but our whole relationship had been variations on that theme. Small physical acts that could be justified as 'an accident' or 'just playing', verbal attacks that started as 'jokes' about a flaw in my character or appearance and would escalate to an actual monologue about how disgusting i was to him. And lying, so many lies that i will never know what was true and what wasnt in our entire relationship.
As i said, the BBQ was the final straw but i had been posting about him on MN for a while and been told several times i needed to leave. I knew i did, but i didnt think all those little things were 'enough' to end it. I could imagine him telling people "she kicked me out because i made a joke about her hair" and proving to everyone how 'nuts' i was. MN helped me realise i didnt need 'proof' that he was a bastard to justify leaving, i just needed to know that the relationship i was in was not making me happy and that alone was enough reason to end it. So i did. I didnt even justify it to him when i asked him to leave. And he didnt question me either- he knew. He'd known all along and knew he couldnt get away with it forever.
So he's gone and for almost 4 years now no-one has belittled me in my own home, no-one has manufactured a fight so they could avoid washing dishes or doing bath time. No-one has pushed me on the back of the head just to assert their physical strength over me. No-one whispers in my children's ears to come and tell me my bum got bigger. No-one does any of the things i would no longer find acceptable from someone who purports to love me.
I hope this can give a bit of courage to someone who is contemplating the future of their relationship.
You can leave, you can be alone and you can be happy.