What do you think is cheating when married?

[onezzz]

Apart from physical stuff

I have done quite a lot of the later ones with friends-half the world kiss each other on the cheek surely?
I haven't got close friends who are men that I see without their partners. I'm not sure if it would make a difference to the ones I've done with female friends like sharing a bed (I did that with my brother quite recently when the only other option was the floor!).

I think it comes down to what is considered okay in the context of that relationship. For example I know a friends husband who it would be completely normal if he slapped one of her friends on the ass. He would do it in front of his wife, she would do it too. If my other half did that I'd be very annoyed, it would be completely out of character.

I wasn’t going to go into detail but asked because my best friend basically accused me of being border line having an affair with a friend.

I hadn’t seen him for a while and we were arranging meeting for lunch and he text ‘let’s skip the lunch and just go to a hotel’ - that’s just what he’s like and we both know he is not serious at all. My friend saw this message and said it was out of order when he was married. She said with that and ‘everything else’ that he’s basically cheating on his wife with me. The ‘everything else’ is that she knows we email most days and chat on the phone a couple of times a week. We both work from home so it’s a bit of company for both of us but nothing more, nothing physical has ever happened, i’m not attracted to him and I rarely see him in person as he lives a couple of hours from me.

He is married, I live with my boyfriend, my boyfriend is aware of him and has never had a problem.

My friend has trust issues with her partner so I think a lot of it is because of that but I don’t know do you think the rest is ok?

Sorry but I see that as crossing the line. I'd be fuming if my DP said anything like that even if joking

without that comment would you think the friendship was ok?

without that comment - yes, absolutely fine imo, but he is crossing the line a bit (could be nothing, but could be that he's testing the waters). Surely though, if you told him not to cross hte line with such jokes as his wife wouldn't like it, he won't do it again. It could have been just tongue in cheek if that's his type of humour.

Why have you started 2 threads about the same thing?

I think it depends on your friendship. My male (married) friend would joke about stuff like that, but then he would probably say the same to one of his very close male friends from what I've seen! I know he wouldn't dream of cheating and we both don't have an ounce of attraction for each other.

I think she has started two threads because she really really wants to be right and her friend to be wrong. But it's not quite going that way.

Does his wife know you and he "email most days and chat on the phone a couple of times a week"?

Does his wife know he is texting suggestive comments/jokes to another woman?

What would happen if you replied "mmm, good idea, let's do that"?

Without that comment, I still think it's a close call. I would be thinking along the lines of an emotional affair at least if was your "friend", but then I wouldn't invest so much time with one of my friend Dh.

beagle yes I was thinking of same sex friendships when I posted rather than opposite sex ones. I know women who would put their best female friend above their marriage every time and men who consider their male friends wants and demands as far more important that their wives needs.

Cheating is breaking the rules, depends on what the rules of your relationship are

Exactly!

There's no need for lists or debate, it's purely about transgressing the boundaries of the raltionship you are in and those will be different for different people.

Rule of thumb, if you won't tell your partner because you're worried about their reaction then that's a good sign you've not put their best interests at the heart of your behaviour and that's got to be the foundation of any strong relationship, putting your partners needs before your wants.

With the new information I stand by my previous statement. Cheating is breaking the rules, depends on what the rules of your relationship are.

I would say things like that to friends, I would flirt with friends, I'm a big wind up merchant and everyone knows it so it's all part of the fun. I have been friends with a man for ten years, we flirt all the time with each other, he asks me for things and I tell him no and pretends to whine but we both know that's all it is. I feel completely open and relaxed with him, he popped over Monday and I was in the bath, I let him in wearing towels and he sat on my bed whilst I finished getting ready. It's just how our relationship works, he took me under his wing when I was in a bad situation 10/11 years ago and treated me like a little sister.

He probably fancies you.

"my boyfriend is aware of him and has never had a problem"

Does that mean aware of him as in 'knows he exists' or as in 'knows how often I am in touch with him on a near daily basis'?

BTW: are the days you don't email the weekends? The days his wife and you partner aren't around?

Meditrina I was wondering that!

H is aware of my friends, but would he know that I was emailing and talking on a daily basis to any of them? No, not unless I made a point of telling him.

There is aware and then there is knowing the full facts, I very much doubt he knows the facts.