First time new partner stays over-tips pls

[Freewheelin]

10 months into relationship and my boyfriend and I would like for him to start spending occasional nights at my house. I've stayed at his when my three children are with their father and the children have met the new man quite often.
He wants to ask the children if it's ok but I think this could go wrong if, for instance they say No! Any advice on this point and generally?
The children are 15, 10 and 8.

I wouldn't ask. It makes it sound as if you are doing something wrong or asking permission. Children (particularly the younger 2) usually find it better when the adults in their life are in control. It can be uncomfortable for them to be asked though I'm sure your DP has the best intentions.

Mine were similar ages when I was in this situation last year.
I just told them rather than asking but in a way they felt comfortable to tell me if they were uncomfortable if you get me.
Thankfully they were fine, they all really liked him - I wouldnt have done it if I thought they didnt.

There are a few aspects to this scenario I haven't had to deal with for years, such as- should I warn the children to knock on bedroom door before barging in? My bedroom door is usually open the whole time. Or not even hint at sexual activity?
I'm supposing they might think twice before unlocking the bathroom door while he is in the shower, although they don't when I am.
Does any discussion need to happen at all or does it happen naturally?
I'm feeling very nervous about this.

Lock for the door! :) avoids potentially embarrassing situations!

I agree with previous poster about not asking kids permission. I was in a similar position. I told my kids that DH (DP at the time) would be staying over because we were going to a party and it would be too late to drive home. After that he would stay over on a Saturday from time to time and then we would all head out and do something on the Sunday. It then became normal for him to be there on the Sunday morning and the kids used to look forward to it. Over time, he would then come over on a Friday and stay all weekend or we would all decamp to his place.

I agree, don't ask their permission if you're not actually asking!

I like can'tbelieve's suggestion that it be part of a fun Sunday/weekend activity for everyone. Then it's like he's not just crashing there to be with you, but to spend time with the whole family.

I would frankly, make it clear that he was a guest and make sure the kids know in advance when he's coming, like any other house guest. Don't let it creep into three, four, five days a week--the kids will just feel duped. (Not that you would! Just saying.)

I like that idea of it being part of a day out or something. We've been thinking of days out activities for a while. Trouble is I work weekends and the children go to their father. Half term or similar would work though.
DP works shifts so, combined with my weekend work it's unlikely that one or two consecutive nights stay would escalate into 5 or 6.

Yeah, sorry, I'm sure I'm just projecting. I had some friends whose mum let a boyfriend stay over "just to visit" and he ended up staying longer and longer until he was just randomly living there. They were teenagers then and they still resent her over it today.

Do a noise check. Make sure any sex-type sounds from your bedroom can't be heard in other parts of the house. One of the difficult things that happened to me as a teenager was a man staying with my mum and being able to hear them in bed - I took to letting them go to bed before me.

Try to avoid having him doing things that will annoy the children (drinking the last of the milk, eating the bread they were going to use for toast for breakfast, waking them up earlier than necessary in the mornings, going about the house undressed - he needs to observe a higher level of modesty than everyone else does, because he's a guest, not an inhabitant).

Agree your stance on parenting - the eldest is probably too old for him to be taking an active parenting role at all and the others are old enough that likely to resent a strange adult adopting a parental (rather than friendly uncle/adult friend) role with them.

noise check.
Testing, testing, 1 2 3. Bounces bed.