Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you take this?

13 replies

littlegreenlight1 · 19/05/2014 19:03

Im quite used to my parents dodgy comments on life so I am ignoring this really but it got me thinking!
Last night met up with them, had job interview coming up today so were going through answers for the dreaded q "what are your weaknesses?"... My dad suggested I said "I have under-achieved"... I asked him what he meant and he said "if you hadnt had (dd) when you were a teenager (18) youd have gone to university and made something of your life".
Speechless. I retorted with "if Id have gone to university, I wouldnt have dd" and a rant about that.
He is so tactless. I have achieved a great deal in the face of being a teen mum, a shitty marriage, raising kids alone, working in a semi-prof job, owning a house, studying with the OU (havent graduated yet), travelling and having three awesome kids.
Fks sake! He has always had a chip on his shoulder that I didnt go to uni - seems 17 years on from me having dd, this is still an issue.
Oh well, HIS issue!!!

Oh and Dad - I got the job!!!

OP posts:
pictish · 19/05/2014 19:07

Congratulations on the job!! Grin Flowers

Fil has never forgiven dh for dropping out of uni when he was 19.

heyho1985 · 19/05/2014 19:08

You got the job well done! You should tell your Dad you graduated from the University of Life Smile

wombat22 · 19/05/2014 19:09

Congratulations on the job and all your other achievements..It sounds like you've done a fantastic job. Don't let your DF make you believe any less Wine

PipkinsPal · 19/05/2014 19:10

Congratulations on all you have achieved in life. Did your Dad go to University?

RussellBrandsEyeliner · 19/05/2014 19:13

op I have a Dad like this too...have forever felt like a disappointment to him. Had my daughter when I was 21 then went back to college to get the qualifications I didn't get when I should have... long long story but he hasn't changed his tone one bit; even though I am in my mid forties now, he still harps on about it.

Bloody well done at getting the job, congratulations to you Smile

Original poster
littlegreenlight1 · 19/05/2014 19:16

Yes dad was the first of his family to ever go to university. his sister and brothers kids all went. I had a baby, then so did sister, then brother dropped out so we are regularly told ( in a jokey way) how badly we did. thing is they don't mean it really, but they don't realise how much it actually hurts. Ah well, you can't pick your family, and even if I could have picked, I'd still have them. They really should just think before they speak!

OP posts:
cantthinkofawittyusername · 19/05/2014 19:29

That sounds pretty nasty, actually!

If you say that he doesn't realise how hurtful it is and he keeps doing it, maybe it's time for you to stop putting up with it. Could you tell him earnestly and clearly how it makes you feel and that he is to never ever say something like that ever again? Show him how hurt and angry you are and insist on an apology so that he realises that this is not on.

cantthinkofawittyusername · 19/05/2014 19:30

Oh, and well done for the job!

tipsytrifle · 19/05/2014 19:32

I'm just smiling huuuugely for you and your success in Life!!
You totally rock! Smile

dingdongdoodlebug · 19/05/2014 19:38

Congrats on job :) :)

Original poster
littlegreenlight1 · 19/05/2014 19:41

Ah thanks guysBlush Blush really he isn't that bad, God I've seen enough posts on here about awful parents, mine are lovely, they're just old and I think everything's about appearances, all the prestige of uni etc. I do tell him when he's being an arse.

OP posts:
Adayinthelifeof · 19/05/2014 20:26

My brother was always very intellectual but never really applied himself. No real motivation. My dad fell out with him as he thought he was gutless and could have done so much better. As it happens now he's happily married and earns around £75 an hour. I set up my own business, employ staff and earn around 100k a year. My dad fell out with me because he didn't like the way I'd spend money as he'd had to sacrifice so much to bring me up.

You can't win. Sometimes they're just wankers. I see my parents about twice a year and that's twice to much:)

isme10 · 19/05/2014 22:34

You sound like you have a really lovely relationship. Your Dad would probably be horrified to think he had really upset and hurt you. You say you can call him an arse when he is being one and maybe this is one of those times and then you will feel better. Obviously the comment has stung enough for you to post on here but then only to leap to his defence immediately someone says a bad word. That's the great thing about families when they work well. We can bitch and moan and complain about them until the cows come home but just let an outsider disrespect one of them and we leap to their defence.

I should think your dad is a proud as punch of all you have achieved and University was just something that he wished for you. Sounds like you have more than made up for it.

Well done you for getting the job and when your Dad gets his foot out of his mouth he will probably tell you how proud he is of you !

New posts on this thread. Refresh page