Dad's drinking.

[Missda]

Ladies I need some advice. In the very near future my DP are going through the house buying process. ( I only mention this as I won't be home each day as I am now. )
Dad has always enjoyed a drink however his drinking is getting excessive.
This has been more of a problem since retiring but he has always enjoyed a drink.

Well it all came to a head the other week when Mum came home early and found him drunk( not totally drunk but more than tipsy.) After which he promised not to excessively drink.

I also raised my concerns with her too.

Have come home early to find Dad had yet again been drinking... he is currently on his 2nd large gin and tonic.

WWYD in my situation because he is really drinking a lot and it is causing a wedge between me and Dad.

Sorry for the ramble just feel so sad.

Hi Missda

Would suggest that you now get in contact with Al-anon on 020 7403 0888 as they are helpful to family members of problem drinkers. Its not your fault that your dad is a problem drinker.

I would continue to detach as you have done and not visit him as often. You have your own life to lead frankly and being around a drunkard parent is really not going to do your health any favours at all.

How does your mother react to his drinking, she is also playing out a role here with regards to this. She is likely to be both the provoker and enabler in her relationship with her H. Your Dad's primary relationship is with drink and has likely been with this for many years. Unless he himself wants to address his alcoholism there is not one thing you can do to help or support him, you can only help your own self. He does not want your help and support.

The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

Attila- Thanks for the response. Mum gets cross with him, tries to track his drinking by marking the bottle.

The fact that Mum is so busy and on the go all the time does not help either.

You need to get your dad to take responsibility for his drinking until you do, there's no way forward.

My mother has been an alcoholic for 25 -years. She is dying from drinking, quite literally.

Speak to your dad. Be firm but non confrontational if possible. It's incredibly difficult & thankless.

Best of luck.

Thank you very much for the response. I will be talking to Dad about it just not tonight.

Could he be drinking more now he's retired because he's bored I wonder? Does he have any hobbies or get out much?

Not sure why you say your mum's activities don't help. She's not there to stop him drinking, you know. He'll stop if he wants to, and not because anyone else wants him to. Your conversation with him will do nothing except to let him know you are concerned about his drinking. If you expect it to have more effect than merely that, you may be sorely disappointed.

Tracking his drinking by marking the bottle is pointless. He will just hide his true consumption. Don't consign yourself or your mum to a life of searching for the stuff.

I'd also advise you to get in touch with Al-Anon to find out more about alcohol problems. Go earlier rather than later - you're going to have a lot on your plate soon and it's better to find out what you're dealing with now than after years of upset.